A Good Foundation
The best marriages are built with a foundation of being good friends. Before anything romantic happens, friendship needs to be present. You have to be more than friends. We are friends with the people on Facebook. Yet somehow we struggle to be friends with our spouses. For our marriages to be great, we need the basis of a good friendship.
There are five steps to becoming best friends with your spouse:
1. Be a friend.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Good times are fun and can create wonderful memories. Sometimes it is the hardest of times that can strengthen a relationship.
You can’t just be your spouse’s friend when it’s convenient. Friendship is forged during times of hardship or adversity and that’s when you learn to trust each other. That’s when you pay the most attention. A true friend loves at all times.
2. Believe in each other.
It’s hard to be friends with someone who doesn’t believe in you. One of the reasons God created marriage was to bring us to our full potential. That’s one of the things men and women do for each other. We bring out the best in each other. Support your spouse. Do you know what their dreams and desires are? Find out and help them achieve those things.
One day we will stand before Jesus and give an account of what we’ve done for our spouse. Have you brought him or her to their full potential? Find out why God created your spouse and then help him or her get there. Pray for your spouse and God will show you how to support them. When you have two people in a marriage who believe in each other, you become best friends.
3. Embrace each other’s differences.
A friend who rejects you will not be your friend for very long. Compatibility is based on character and values, not on sameness. That means your husband or wife may be very different from you.
Will you celebrate those differences or reject them? Do you spend your time training or complaining your spouse to become more like you? Or praising them for being unique?
4. Be real and transparent.
Friendship means being honest. Your spouse needs to know your heart, your thoughts, and your perspective. And you must allow your spouse the same right. Closing parts of yourself off from your spouse can build a barrier against intimacy and trust.
5. Be a safe place.
Every husband needs to be his wife’s refuge, and vice versa. Your best friend is the person you call when something great or terrible happens. Why? Because they are safe. Because you depend on them. You know they’re going to celebrate good news and be encouraging when you’re facing bad news. Being the safe place for your spouse is something very special. It’s not always put into words, but it holds a special place in your spouse’s heart.
Good Foundations
The healthiest marriages are built on a foundation of friendship. It makes everything else easier, but you have to work at it. If you’re not best friends with your spouse now, then decide to work at reaching a new level in your relationship. Ask God to bring you closer as you pursue these steps together.
