Category: Marriage

Leading Through A Pandemic

The past week or so has been a trying time for our nation. In case you’re wondering what I am referring to, you can take a look at my previous post here. The stories are constantly on rotation on all news networks, all over social media. While trying to process all of this information how are you going to lead your family through the back part of this pandemic?

Who is following you?

Does anyone really have the answers during this time? I can tell you no, there isn’t a concrete set of answers that we can all use. There isn’t a set of rules that will help us lead our children, spouses, and loved ones through this. All we can offer is our best advice and hope that it helps. 

That’s what I want to do here. Offer some ideas and thoughts that I pray will help or get you thinking about how we can prepare our families for coming out of this pandemic. 

 

  • Communicate

 

Communication is the strength of any relationship. Within your family, each person needs to be able to communicate their expectations and feelings during this time. From this point, you can decide what would be best for the family as a unit. 

 

  • Have a Plan

 

This second half of the year is going to be one of reintegration. The best way to prepare for the upcoming season is to plan for it. Did you miss your family vacation? Were birthdays put on hold? Now would be a great time to develop a plan on how you can do those things again. 

 

  • Know Yourself

 

Throughout this pandemic time, mental health has been emphasized more and more. Rightly so, because this time has been stressful with the health concerns, the employment fluctuations, and the closings of schools. How are you feeling during this time? Are you ready for the reintegration to begin? Use this time to sort through our own feelings and try to prepare for the next phase. 

 

  • Prayer 

 

It is through prayer that we can gain access to God. You have to be able to know what is right for you and your family. Despite what the local and state governments are saying about the reintegration, it is through prayer that you will know what is right for you. What we really want is God’s knowledge and wisdom in this situation. 

 

Discussion Question:

What are you looking forward to after this time of quarantine?

Protecting What’s Important

Who rules your house? Who is the protector of your marriage? As a man, we assume that we are supposed to fulfill these roles. We’re supposed to be the “strong man” in our homes. We feel like we need to be everything for our families. We have this idea of being a “strong man” and what we’re supposed to do. 

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 But no one can go into a strong man’s house and ransack his household goods right and left and seize them as plunder unless he first binds the strong man; then indeed he may [thoroughly] plunder his house. [Mark 3:27]

 

So are we the strong man or are we the man ransacking the house? How can we protect those people and things that are most important to us? Here are some ways that we can protect what’s important. 

 

  • Realize that you can’t do it

 

This has to be the realization that you have from the beginning. How many of us realized how dependent we are on our jobs when we got furloughed because of corona-virus? The housing crisis of 2008 showed us how fragile our lives were. The comfort we got used to, was a deception. 

We need help. The previous two examples showed us that we are not in control of everything. Depending on the things that surround us has not helped us. Dependence on our employers to provide for many people has left them feeling abandoned. 

You can't do everything, and that's okay. Click To Tweet

As men, we have to realize that we can’t do everything, and nothing in our lives can be supported by us. That’s why we need God. He is the foundation and will support the weight of our lives. 

 

  • What Has Value

When we can’t protect anything and everything, we look around and judge what’s valuable. Is the TV more valuable than your wife or kids? How about a good marriage? Does that have some value to you? It’s been said that if you want to know what you value, just look at where you spend your time.

When you know what you value, then that will help you in knowing what to protect. When you value your marriage, you will protect it at all costs. Valuing your peace means that you will protect it. 

  • How to Protect

 

So how do we protect those things that we value? Is it by locking those things in a safe? No, we protect the things that we value by offering them to God. It is through giving them to Him that we can have peace. It’s the only way to truly protect the things we value. 

 

Discussion Question:

How are you protecting what you care about?

Loving During a Crisis

In times of crisis, our true character shows. When we feel like we are backed into a corner, our real intentions, actions, and our hearts will show. Don’t believe me? Can anyone give a reason as to why stores are still selling out of toilet paper? Or why people were fighting in stores? Your true nature will show in times of crisis. So during this time of crisis, are your true colors, your true character showing?

We are showing our true colors in our marriages right now. We say we love our spouses but many couples during this time find themselves arguing, and not handling the confined space of togetherness well. 

In the Bible 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love is. I think that there is something that we can learn from this and apply it to this time.

 

  • Love is patient and kind

 

More than anything we have to show our spouses patience and kindness. Patience in that you have to work through the adjustments together. Kindness also comes into play because making adjustments is not going to be easy and we should go the extra mile to be kind to each other. 

 

  • Love is not jealous, boastful or proud

 

Feelings of jealousy, or being boastful are ones that you have to be aware of during this time. In a confined space what may have started as a little thought can grow into something bigger where you become jealous, or boastful or proud. 

None of these feelings are going to work in a marriage, but in this type of environment, those feelings will get amplified. Actually acting on these emotions will destroy your marriage. 

 

  • Love Does Not Demand It’s Own Way

 

Getting through any tough situation requires that everyone work together. Each marriage is going to face hard times. There are going to be situations that you’re going to be difficult. How will you handle them? Demanding your own way is not the right way. That will cause a divide in your house and can cause a rift in your marriage. 

During a quarantine demanding your own way isn’t going to help you or your spouse get through it any faster. You’re going to have to learn to work together. 

 

  • Love Keeps No Record of Being Wrong

 

Keeping track or keeping score in a marriage is one of the fastest ways to destroy your marriage. 

Every marriage counselor will tell you that keeping a scorecard of rights and wrongs will destroy your marriage. 

Truly loving your spouse means being able to see past 

 

  • Love Never Gives Up

 

What I’m not saying here is that you stay in a relationship that is abusive in any way. What is important is that most marriages fail because of money and/or communication issues. 

There are times that we give up to early in life. We quit things before we get a chance to see if they pan out. In our relationships, we can give up. When things get hard or we have to have difficult conversations, we want to leave the relationship.

Don’t give up. 

 

Discussion Question:

What has this crisis revealed to you?