Does it seem like this is the new normal? Hopefully not, keep hope alive that things will go in a different direction than they currently are. Corona-virus seems to be everywhere. Most of us are settling into having to perform most or parts of our job from home. We’re settling into having to do school from home or online for our children. What we didn’t think about was how our marriages would be impacted.
Is your marriage surviving? How are you and your spouse managing this new atmosphere and being in the same space? The difficulty has been that couples have found themselves confined. People feeling like they are confined will lash out and many people are lashing out at their spouses. There is hope that your marriage will survive, maybe even come out of this time better than how you went into it. Here are some tips to help you and your spouse survive being quarantined together.
Whether you’re both working from home, or one person is and one person is unemployed or any number of any other combinations you’re going to need boundaries. What you used to do unwind after work is no longer an option. Your spouse keeps interrupting your day to show you funny videos on Youtube, or walking in the background of your Zoom meetings.
It’s time to sit down and have an honest conversation about boundaries. You don’t want to make each other feel helpless or like a nuisance. Talk about some necessary boundaries that will allow you to complete your work, have some downtime and time together.
Setting new boundaries will almost automatically lend to creating and keeping a “new” schedule. This will also help keep you off each other’s backs. Making a schedule that divides up the day into sections (like having breakfast together, then time apart for work, then lunch together, and so on and so forth) will help the day-to-day feel more normal, which in turn will decrease depression or anxiety that can cause issues in your relationship. So give yourselves a new schedule that fits your day.
Before shelter-in-place, what did you do for a date night or to spend time together just as a couple? Did you have a designated date night with dinner and a movie? Maybe you used to go for a hike together? Did you visit new places throughout your city to explore together? Did you make a special meal together?
Keep that practice up as best you can while still staying home and practicing social distancing. It’s the “prioritizing time for your relationship” part that’s important, so keep that date night and get creative. Since we’re all now spending too much time in front of our screens, maybe have a no-screen night, making a meal together and then playing a board game or just talking. Or, if you usually went out to the movies for date night, hang some sheets, make a fort, and have a movie night that way. Love music? Watch a virtual concert or performance. There are all kinds of ways to keep the magic alive, even in close quarters.
Want to know the secret to a happy, healthy relationship? Communicate. Want to know the secret to a happy, healthy relationship when you are legally obligated to be all up in each other’s faces for weeks on end? Communicate. Now is when it’s especially important to take the time to talk AND listen to your partner. Be an Active Listener. Set aside time throughout the week to check in with each other and get things off your chest. And that doesn’t just mean sharing how you’re feeling; also discuss real-world concerns like financial matters (especially if you or your spouse have been laid off, furloughed, or had their hours reduced) to make sure you’re on the same page.
Right now, maintaining a good head-space is difficult. We may forget small things we normally wouldn’t. There may be snapping at each other over tiny things. We may not fully be feeling or acting like our normal selves. When you walk in and see that sink full of dishes or are given a curt answer when you ask a question, take a deep breath and try to let it go. We all need some compassion and understanding right now, so try to cut your partner some slack. And if there are things they’re doing that are truly driving you batty, cool off and then talk about it with them in a productive way (re communicating and setting boundaries).
How are you and your spouse handling being quarantined together?
