Category: Uncategorized

Dealing with Loss

This has been a hard week in the world of sports and entertainment. You’ve probably heard by now about the tragic news of Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, baseball coach John Altobelli, his wife, Keri, and their daughter Alyssa; mother and daughter Sarah and Payton Chester; basketball coach Christina Mauser; and pilot Ara Zobayan. I’m not here to go over Kobe’s career or his life after basketball, but like so many people are thinking about their connections to him, I wanted to offer some words of comfort. 

Moments like this, where we may not have known someone personally, but were able to watch their life as we lived our own. These can be hard times. People will tell you to think of the good memories and that may help some of you. For me, it just made it worse.  So what do we do in these moments? 

How to deal with loss is something that everyone goes through. These are my ideas and thoughts on how to make it through. 

 

Prayer

 

This may seem like a “churchy” answer, but the truth is, when we have times of tragedy are when most people turn to God. That’s when you will see all of the prayer posts on social media. People tend to ask questions during this time. This may be the time most when people talk to God. 

 

For most people, prayer is where they go when they don’t know where else to go. They’re last resort for the unanswerable questions. Prayer for Christians isn’t about  God being our last resort, but it’s about making Him our first choice. So, we don’t just turn to God during times of trouble, but we realized He’s with us every day. 

 

Laughter

 

Difficult times become harder the more you spend your time thinking about them. Our minds begin to race to the unanswerable questions, and we can dwell on the loss or devastation. Laughter is a great way to keep you from dwelling on the hurt, pain, and loss. 

 

This is one thing that being on social media can help you with. Finding a funny video has never been easier. While the pain may be there, finding something to laugh at help break up the moment. 

 

Family

 

It’s sad that sometimes it takes a loss to remind us of the close ones we have around us. But it’s family and friends that can help us to get through the hard times. 

Difficult situations are not the time to be isolated. Having some time alone to process and sort through your feelings is one thing, but spending too much time alone can leave you open to depression setting in. At some point, you want to be around people to have that interaction. 

 

These are just some of my thoughts in regards to the passing of Kobe Bryant and all the victims that were in that helicopter.

You Need Conferences

Are you one of those people? You know those people. The ones that like to tell you about the latest conference that they went to. Or in every conversation they include some “gem of knowledge” from a speaker they heard. Sometimes you think “What’s with that person?” Or “Why are they always going to conferences?” 

Chairs for meeting
You need to go to a conference

Conferences, seminars, and the like are important. We should all be that person that I described above. It means that we’re excited about the information that we got and that we anticipate a change in our lives. 

The past two weekends I’ve gone to two very different conferences and we should all go to conferences. The first conference that I went to was to Jeff Goins’ Tribewriters Conference. It’s a conference geared at writers, authors, bloggers and creative people. The other conference that I attended was called ManCamp. A conference for men wanting to grow in their raltionship with God. For me I needed both. Here’s why you should attended conferences.

1. Community

Men tend to isolate by nature. We also can carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Going to conferences provides that sense of community. It at least puts you in the same room with other people who want the same thing as you. Sometimes men struggle with establishing and building relationships with other men. You have to fight that feeling of being isolated. Conferences are a great way to fight that isolation. 

2. Growth

Conferences are great for self development and growth. Between the various speakers and activities you should expect to be challenged in some way. That’s a part of the whole experience. Take advantage of the conferences and the things that challenge you. Your growth as a person depends on you willingness to step up to the challenges. 

3. Focus

There’s something to being able to get away from the normal routine. It doesn’t matter if the conference is local or if it’s in another town, attending a conference allows you to disrupt your normal routine and gives you the chance to focus on something specific. I usually like to get out of the town that I live in. It adds a level of disconnect from my normal world and routine. It allows for more focus. 

Discussion Question:

Why do you like conferences?

Dealing with Hurt

It’s rare that strangers hurt your feelings. The people that can hurt you the most are those that are closest to us. That usually tends to be family members. What do we do in those situations? How do we handle it?

Frustrated

My Experience

So, there I was reading an email from a family member about a potential business opportunity and I can see that it included all the previous emails. Not really expecting to find anything, I read some information that is personal and doesn’t pertain to this opportunity. 

Reading this, I felt the full range of emotions. Feelings of  anger, that negative things were being revealed about me to sad and disappointed that someone close to me would portray me that way. 

It’s sad to say that most of us have had an experience where we  overheard something we weren’t meant to hear or saw a Facebook post that  revealed personal information. How do we handle these situations? What do we do with those feelings?

 

  1. Separate actions and feelings

 

The Bible talks about us being angry and not sinning. It’s okay to be angry and have the emotions but we have to separate the emotions from driving our actions. 

Think to yourself how many times you’ve gotten back at someone and felt better about yourself or what you did. Revenge, hurting someone because they hurt you, never makes you feel better about yourself. 

Having our emotions drive our actions does more damage to us than we could do to the other person. The mentality, emotions and actions can lead to destructive pattern of behaviors. 

 

  1. Evaluate the relationship

 

I’m not an advocate for cutting everyone out of your life for any reason. There are times, however, when you may need to dissolve a relationship for your betterment. In other cases, if we let our emotions drive us we can be too quick to cut people out of our lives. 

To know the difference, we have to do step 1. We have to separate the emotions of the event that happened, with our actions. Evaluate the relationship outside of your emotions. Is this person adding value to your life? Could there be a possibility that the relationship could be salvaged? 

 

  1. When they go low, we go high

 

Former First Lady Michelle Obama made this phrase famous in a speech. It very much can apply to when we are hurt by those closest to us. Sometimes it is  better to leave the situation completely. Take the high road and just move on with your life. 

 

Discussion Question:

How do handle when people hurt you?