Self sabotage. Most of us know a person that does this in a relationship. We may be that person. There we are in a new relationship and things are lovely, we’re enjoying spending time with the person and we love talking to them on the phone. Everything seems to be going great! Then we hit that invisible wall, and something goes wrong, they start to annoy us, then we’re angry at them for a reason that we really can’t explain and we kill the relationship before it ever has a chance to get off the ground.
Sabotaging a relationship hurts one person: The sabotager.
You could be missing out on some of the best relationships of your life, if you continue this type of behavior. So, here are three ways to know if you’re self sabotaging your relationships and how to stop.
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Keeping Score
You start to keep a mental scorecard of what you do and what the other does. How much money you spend versus how much they spend. In a good relationship there is no need to keep score. You know that they are just as invested as you are. Both people contribute as much as needed to make the relationship successful.
Keeping score only results in arguments later. Instead, realize and focus on your relationship being a partnership. A partnership where each person is 100 percent committed.
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Wrong Priorities
We’re all busy. We all have family, friends, work, and hobbies that seem to take up our time. If you’re always busy – like always busy – then that may be sign that you’re avoiding your relationship.
If you find yourself constantly avoiding relationship commitments, stop and take stock of whether you are truly busy or whether you might be engaging in some self-sabotage. If so, course correct and give your relationship the time it needs. Relationships need time. Invested time is what will allow the relationship to grow and flourish. That won’t happen if we avoid the relationship.
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Being Overly Critical
If you find fault in everything your partner does, you could just be looking to start fights for a way out.
It could be a pattern that you have. You are overly critical and no matter what your partner does, it is never good enough. And then you get hurt and disappointed when they don’t take the initiative or they just tune out and shut down.
Instead of being critical, try appreciating the nice things your partner does. If you pay attention, you’ll likely find more opportunities to compliment than criticize.
Discussion Question
The most important thing in trying to avoid self sabotage, is to recognize it. We don’t want to have such an inflated view of ourselves that we can’t do anything wrong. If a relationship fails, there’s always enough blame to go around on both sides. Let’s do our part to recognize and overcome those things that try to trip us up. How do you protect yourself from self-sabotaging?
