When Did I turn into my Parents?
You ever have that moment when you see your child do something and before you know it the words that come out of your mouth sound like something you’ve heard before. They sound eerily familiar. Even your voice sounds like that person that you said you would never be like. You swore that you would be a better parent than they were, because what they wouldn’t let you do at that moment was the end of the world to you.
And here you are, years later acting and sounding like that person you said you would never become. When did things change? Are we destined to be the same type of parent that our parents were to us? Can we be better parents than our parents were? Should we even try?
As I’ve become a parent for the first and second times, these and many other questions race through my mind.
It Takes a Village
There is the old saying that, “It takes a village to raise a child.” This is how we should approach our time of parenting. Parenting is a delicate balance. Sometimes we can set ourselves up to fail. While trying to be different than our parents, whether positive or negative, we can go to such extremes that we lose sight of what’s important. The child.
Being Different
If you had really strict and cold parents, you could be so set on being loving and relaxed, that you never correct bad behaviors and attitudes in your child. The opposite can be true. Many of us know parents that fall on both sides of the spectrum.
More Than You
What I’ve learned from parenting so far, is that it really does take a village to raise children. You find yourself needing those parents that you said you’d never be like. Friends, babysitters, siblings and neighbors all play a part in raising your child.
As parents in this time of social media explosion, we can be quick to post pictures and status updates about our children, but can get upset when someone from our village offers parenting advice to us. Trying to have it both ways only makes for a lonely journey and makes it harder than it has to be.
Do Your Best
What I’ve learned from being a parent is that my parents did the best that they knew how. Did they have all the answers? No. Do I have all the answers? No. I may have a couple more than they did, and they may have gained some answers from now being a grandparent. The idea is to be able to continue to learn from the village while also teaching my child.
The Foundation
Should we want to be better parents than ours were? I think that is the wrong way to look at it. I like to think of it as adding a floor to the building that is parenting. I may not like the way that they decorated their floor, but they did it according to what they knew and had access to. I can decorate my floor the way that I like. A neighbor or friend coming over and offering some suggestions doesn’t mean that I am a bad parent. It means that they may have learned something that I haven’t yet.
Leave a comment below on what you’ve learned from your parents and from being a parent.
