Tag: husbands

Protecting What’s Important

Who rules your house? Who is the protector of your marriage? As a man, we assume that we are supposed to fulfill these roles. We’re supposed to be the “strong man” in our homes. We feel like we need to be everything for our families. We have this idea of being a “strong man” and what we’re supposed to do. 

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 But no one can go into a strong man’s house and ransack his household goods right and left and seize them as plunder unless he first binds the strong man; then indeed he may [thoroughly] plunder his house. [Mark 3:27]

 

So are we the strong man or are we the man ransacking the house? How can we protect those people and things that are most important to us? Here are some ways that we can protect what’s important. 

 

  • Realize that you can’t do it

 

This has to be the realization that you have from the beginning. How many of us realized how dependent we are on our jobs when we got furloughed because of corona-virus? The housing crisis of 2008 showed us how fragile our lives were. The comfort we got used to, was a deception. 

We need help. The previous two examples showed us that we are not in control of everything. Depending on the things that surround us has not helped us. Dependence on our employers to provide for many people has left them feeling abandoned. 

You can't do everything, and that's okay. Click To Tweet

As men, we have to realize that we can’t do everything, and nothing in our lives can be supported by us. That’s why we need God. He is the foundation and will support the weight of our lives. 

 

  • What Has Value

When we can’t protect anything and everything, we look around and judge what’s valuable. Is the TV more valuable than your wife or kids? How about a good marriage? Does that have some value to you? It’s been said that if you want to know what you value, just look at where you spend your time.

When you know what you value, then that will help you in knowing what to protect. When you value your marriage, you will protect it at all costs. Valuing your peace means that you will protect it. 

  • How to Protect

 

So how do we protect those things that we value? Is it by locking those things in a safe? No, we protect the things that we value by offering them to God. It is through giving them to Him that we can have peace. It’s the only way to truly protect the things we value. 

 

Discussion Question:

How are you protecting what you care about?

Growth is Intentional

Are you able to tell when you are being driven by your emotions? The stereotype is that men aren’t emotional and that everything with them is at the surface level. 

That is a lie. Men can be just as emotional as women. What most have failed to realize is that it will manifest differently. Pushing down your emotions is not gender specific. Neither is wearing them on your sleeve. Do you know yourself well enough to know how your emotions impact you? 

As I learn about myself and with the help of my wife I’m beginning to see how my emotions impact me. Early on in our marriage, I didn’t talk much.  I would wait until everything seemed like it was too much for me to keep on the inside and then I would want to vent. 

For me, I handled my emotions like this because I never grew up knowing how to handle and process my emotions. 

Now I am able to process and talk about my emotions a little faster. I may not express them  in the moment,but I’m growing in effectively communicating in a healthy time frame. 

Commit to Growth

We should all have a process of growth. Growing is going from where we are now to a version of us that  masters every part of our lives. We have to grow mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Emotional growth is learning about how our emotions affect us. 

Becoming a better man doesn’t just happen when you reach a certain age. Your development as a person has to be intentional. 

If we were talking about money, we don’t wake up one day and become a millionaire, no we grow in our financial literacy and how to handle money. 

Read, Read, Read

The most successful people in any area are active readers. It doesn’t matter if it’s finances, marriages, or productivity, you have to become a reader. There are so many tools at your disposal to help with this. If you don’t like paper books, you can get ebooks. Maybe the thought of buying a book makes you nervous, then most libraries have an app where you can borrow the paper book or e-book or an audio book. The point is that you have to continue to educate yourself. Growth is intentional. 

Discussion Question:

What is one area that you want to grow in?

The Value of a Support Group

Be strong, be fearless, be beautiful. And believe that anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you. - Misty Copeland Click To Tweet

I am the oldest of five in my family. On my mother’s side of the family, I have five sets of aunts and uncles, who each have at least five kids. We’re all older now and have our own families and kids. As you know I have pretty decent size immediate family and a bigger and growing extended family.

Father and Kids
Loving Father

My immediate family is very close and we’ve all stayed close as we have grown up. At the time I didn’t know that every family wasn’t close. Going to college, making new friends, and working in the social work field, I came to know how fortunate I was to have this growing up. The support that I have received from my family over the years has been priceless.

Not everyone has that family support, but now that I have a family of my own I want to provide this type of support for my spouse, children. This family support is so important. Here are three ways that family support is valuable:

 

  1. Support is not always family

 

I mentioned it above, but it bears repeating. I had and continue to have a strong support system from my family. What I came to realize is that not everyone has their family as a support system.

When family isn’t an option you have to have the support system that is made up of friends. We sometimes think that our support system has to automatically be our family. That’s not a guarantee. Look at all of your family and friends and take an inventory on who is adding value to your life. Those that are adding the most value will be the ones who make up your support system.

 

  1. Support helps you cope

 

Life can be stressful. There are so many aspects, situations, and parts of life that can be stressful for us. It feels like the weight of the world can be on your shoulders. As close as we can think that Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, makes us, it also isolates us. We may be on social media, but we tend to have more feelings of isolation than genuine connections.

This is where our support system is crucial. They are the people that will talk with us on the phone, counsel us, calm us, and help us to see the ray of sunshine when everything looks cloudy and dark.

 

  1. Support is Personal

 

When you don’t have a support group it can be hard to begin to develop one. Developing a support group requires time and effort. Both of which you have to carry the load of until the relationship is established. Establishing those relationships requires personable interactions. Commenting on posts is great, but for a lasting relationship and a support system to be established requires that you may have to go through hard times together.

Hard times and good times are what make the foundation of a support system. People that will celebrate with you when things are good, but will also be there when you need picking up are priceless.

 

Discussion Question:

How have you developed your support system?