4 Benefits to Dating in Marriage

Dates got you to a place where you wanted to marry each other if you want to stay married then keep dating your spouse – Andy Traub

Do you remember the first date that you and your spouse went on? What about the first time you met? Okay, that might be stretching your memory a little bit. Have you heard the term dating in marriage? Maybe not, but there is a concept here that we need to take more seriously. Our marriages are valuable and we don’t take care of them in the same manner that we take care of other things that we value.

I was recently with a group of other couples, It was our church’s marriage ministry, Rings and Things, and we all went around and tried to answer the questions that were asked at the beginning. One of the questions was where was your first date with your spouse? I did pretty good and was able to recall our first date. Having everyone trying to remember provided good laughs and an enjoyable evening. This question rolled in my mind and had me thinking of why we should continue to date in marriage.

 

Why should you continue to date throughout your marriage? There are many reasons why you should.

 

  1. Communication.                                                                                                                                                         

It should be obvious that communication is the key to marriage. While we know that it’s clear, sometimes we forget or negate it. We all know what bad communication is, and how it makes us feel. What dating does is put you in situations where communication is safe and fun. We need to have more of those opportunities in our marriage.

 

  1. Novelty.                                                                                                                               

Date nights are great for helping us to create new experiences in our relationships. It’s easy to fall into the mundane ruts of life. These experiences help to create fun memories that you will cherish later on.

 

  1. Spark.

The spark and novelty of date nights contribute to the romantic love aspect of relationships and can make you feel like you’ve just started dating each other all over again. Who doesn’t want to feel those butterflies you felt when you first started dating? Planning consistent dates with your husband or wife will help you fall in love with each other all over again week after week.

 

  1. Commitment.                    

By opening up to each other on dates, spouses build strong bonds that solidify their commitment to each other. This is important for the inevitable hard times that hit us all. When either of you are at your low point, will you have each other to pull you back up? How strong is your emotional bond with each other? If it needs some improvement, then odds are you aren’t dating each other enough.

 

Life and the business of life often get in the way of planning intentional dates with your spouse. When this happens dinner and a movie is usually the default date. Not that dinner and a movie is bad but it can get stale if this is the only thing that we do as a couple. Date nights allow us to break up the repetitive structure.

 

Discussion Question:

Why do you enjoy date nights?

 

 

3 Easy Ways to Make Your Spouse a Priority

When you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses. No lies. And no broken promises – Anonymous

Man, life is busy. There are so many things on our agenda and our to-do list that something is bound to fall through the cracks. How do we make sure that our marriages are not the things that we allow to fall through the crack? So, how do we, in a busy and fast paced world make our spouse a priority? How do we make sure that the person that we value the most doesn’t feel like an afterthought?

spousal support

If people are honest there are times in the marriage where each person may not feel like they are a priority for the other person. This comes from the ups and downs that come with our self-esteem and being married. Marriage can have its ups and downs. The key word that I mentioned before is “feel.” Our feelings can betray us. We can think or perceive an action from our spouse one way and it was intended a completely different way.

There have been times in my marriage where I perceived an action from my wife one way. Because I felt a certain way and perceived those actions a certain way, I then felt like I wasn’t a priority for my spouse. Was there anything that she actually did? Was she trying to make me feel that way? The answer to that question is a resounding NO. It was just my feelings and my emotions. While we can’t always help how someone perceives our actions, we can make sure that we do our part to make sure that our spouse is a priority.

 

  1. Connect with them throughout the day.

If you are trying to establish or reestablish the place that your spouse has in your life, there isn’t a better way to do than to check in with them throughout the day. If your spouse hasn’t always been the priority, you may experience some blowback. Don’t let this deter you. This is a change in your behavior.

Connecting throughout the day should be viewed at paving a new road. You’ve got to bulldoze the path first before you can put down the asphalt and drive on it.

 

  1. Invite your spouse in.

Marriage is one of those things where because you spend so much of our time with another person it can be easy to assume that you know what they will think. We have to take a step back and not assume that we know how our spouse will react or think. Stepping back allows you to include them. Making your spouse a priority means including them, sometimes even in the small decisions.

 

  1. It’s the small things

Big gestures are great and they have their place in your marriage. The small gestures can be just as impactful when it comes to making your spouse a priority. Grabbing their favorite candy bar at the grocery store, or a card that communicates that you are thinking about them. It’s those thoughts and corresponding actions that will communicate to your spouse that you’re making them a priority.

 

Discussion Question:

How do you make your spouse a priority?

 

What Relationships Are About

What does it mean to be in a marriage? To truly know that answer we have to look at the basis of what it means to be in a relationship. The relationship is the base for marriage. So let’s start there. What does it mean to be in a relationship?

We walk this path together


My wife is my best friend. I don’t say that lightly or as just something to say. I have a male best friend but my relationship with my wife trumps even that relationship. There are aspects of our relationship that were formed and developed before we ever said: “I Do.” We developed the relationship and that gave something for the marriage to based on.

So what makes a relationship? Here are five aspects that most of us might not have thought about, but they are crucial to our relationships.  

  • Having Faith and Freedom

For a relationship to succeed, we have to faith in it. Faith that it will endure the good and bad times. You need the freedom to be able to speak from your heart. There is a balance that is needed between faith and freedom to build a strong foundation for your relationship.

  • Give Time and Get Time

Women and men relate to each other differently. Connections are established differently. Women tend to want to connect through understanding or through their feelings. Men tend to connect through an activity, for example watching sports or playing sports. Connecting and relating to your spouse means that there needs to be giving and getting time.

  • Be Patient

Taking time and getting time is not an overnight process. This process requires patience. Being able to accept your spouse with all their greatness and their imperfections takes patience. There is no point in having daily fights over routine habits. We have to give grace and have the patience that will enable our spouses to change.

  • Learn to Share

Most of us have not had significant relationships where we have had to share our feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Things are starting to change, but for most men, this is just how we are. We aren’t told to NOT share our feelings and emotions, but it is hard to do something when we haven’t had a consistent model. Learning to share our feelings, emotions and thoughts bring a deeper level of closeness.

  • Being Strength

In a relationship, there are times where each person will feel low. Being with your spouse can make you strong in these times. Having someone that believes in you, can motivate you, inspire you, will give strength during those low times. This is what relationships and marriages are about. You truly are stronger together than apart.

Discussion Question?

What are relationships about to you?