Tag: spouse support

A Heart of Thanksgiving

Did you know that being thankful is a lifestyle. We tend to think that it’s just an attitude or an emotion. True thankfulness goes deeper than that. We’ve settled for just saying “Thank You,” and think that is all being thankful is about. 

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” …-William Arthur Ward

Did you know that being thankful is a lifestyle. We tend to think that it’s just an attitude or an emotion. True thankfulness goes deeper than that. We’ve settled for just saying “Thank You,” and think that is all being thankful is about. 

This is the attitude that we bring into our marriages. The other day I was watching one of my newly favorite shows Fresh Off The Boat. I know I’m behind, but hey that’s the benefit of streaming services. I can watch when I want. 

A New But Familiar Scene

Anyway back to the episode that I was watching. It was one where the kids in the family had lice. In a comical way the mother was watching out for the kids and in the process contracted lice. The husband decided to leave the house so he could still work. Through this he learned a lesson about how much his wife does for the family. That was when you saw the light bulb go off and he was thankful for her. 

Too many times we treat being thankful like in the scene that I described above. We’re not truly thankful until something happens and removes something or someone from our life. Once we realize that it’s gone then we’re thankful. 

The scene above also can describe our marriages. Most men aren’t really thankful for their spouses until they are left in a situation where they have to take care of the kids and take on more duties for the family. That shouldn’t be. 

Approaching thankfulness this way makes it situational and too easily to forget. We want to have a heart of thankfulness. It’s better for us and our marriages if we can live a life that is full of thankfulness. It can be done, but it’s a process of growth just like everything else. 

1. Have a Gratitude List Every Day

It can be easy to forget the things we need to be thankful for if they are not at the top of our minds. I’m a big fan of journaling. As a way to bring some perspective to your day and preparing for it. As you journal it’s good to just everyday do a list of things that you are grateful for. 

Making this a practice that you do everyday is great for developing a heart and lifestyle of thankfulness. 

2. Be What You Want to See

Most of us want someone to be thankful for what we bring to the table. Whether it is what we do at our jobs or in our marriages, we want to feel appreciated and have someone be thankful for us. 

If we want to feel gratitude, then we have to give gratitude. The best way to develop a heart of thankfulness is to begin to show thankfulness to others. Your spouse should be the first one in line experience your new thanksgiving. 

3. Expect Nothing in Return

It’s not being truly thankful if you only do things for the response that you get. It won’t be from your heart if you you’re always looking for someone to acknowledge what you did. You’re thankfulness is then selfishness because you like the feeling you get when your act is recognized. 

It’s time to develop a thankful heart. This can take your self development, and your marriage to the next level. 

Discussion Question: 

What do you do to show thankfulness?

Family Foundation

A marriage with a strong foundation can stand against any storm that comes along! Click To Tweet

Foundations are important. That might be the understatement of the year, but while they are the most important part, they are also the most overlooked part. When it comes to foundations most people just assume that you’re talking about a home or other type of building. You might have even thought that is what I was referring to, but foundations are not exclusive to buildings. 

A Building Foundation

Looking for a Home

I remember this time when my wife and I were looking to buy our first home. We had looked at a couple of houses and couldn’t find what we were looking for. One house we looked at in particular was beautiful. It checked all the boxes that we would have wanted. When I asked about the price as we walked through, I was shocked. Why would it be so low? This house was a quarter of the price of any other house we had looked at. 

As we walked into the basement I could see why the price was so low. There was a floor to ceiling crack that ran along one of the walls. There was a crack in the foundation. Needless to say that we did not buy that house. It would have cost twice as much money to repair the foundation. 

Just like there are foundations to buildings, we have a foundation to our marriage that is just as important. Click To Tweet

While foundations are mostly associated with buildings we have foundations to our marriages and many other relationships. For the most part we just don’t think about our foundation. Many of us want a successful marriage. We want to have a marriage that is happy, successful and all the things that we want. The only way to get there is having the proper foundation set. Here are the 3 P’s of a solid marriage foundation:

 

  1. Plan

Having a plan isn’t a bad thing in a marriage. It should regularly be discussed and adapted as your life ages. The Bible says that without a vision people will perish. The same can be said of our marriages. A vision is just a written down plan. It can be hard to get anywhere if you don’t know where you’re going. 

 

  1. Prayer

Prayer is the foundation to everything that is important to us. When it comes to our marriage, prayer is a necessity. Marriage is more than just a contract. It’s binding two souls, two minds, it is the intertwining of two lives with God into this one thing called marriage. As much as there are two people involved, God is just as involved and it is through prayer that we involve Him. 

 

  1. Pursuit

Most men pursue their wives while dating and maybe a little at the beginning of marriage. As our marriages go along we tend to stop pursuing and get in a comfortable groove. Fight the comfort and continue to pursue your spouse. 

 

Discussion Question:

What are some of the foundations of your marriage?

What Relationships Are About

What does it mean to be in a marriage? To truly know that answer we have to look at the basis of what it means to be in a relationship. The relationship is the base for marriage. So let’s start there. What does it mean to be in a relationship?

We walk this path together


My wife is my best friend. I don’t say that lightly or as just something to say. I have a male best friend but my relationship with my wife trumps even that relationship. There are aspects of our relationship that were formed and developed before we ever said: “I Do.” We developed the relationship and that gave something for the marriage to based on.

So what makes a relationship? Here are five aspects that most of us might not have thought about, but they are crucial to our relationships.  

  • Having Faith and Freedom

For a relationship to succeed, we have to faith in it. Faith that it will endure the good and bad times. You need the freedom to be able to speak from your heart. There is a balance that is needed between faith and freedom to build a strong foundation for your relationship.

  • Give Time and Get Time

Women and men relate to each other differently. Connections are established differently. Women tend to want to connect through understanding or through their feelings. Men tend to connect through an activity, for example watching sports or playing sports. Connecting and relating to your spouse means that there needs to be giving and getting time.

  • Be Patient

Taking time and getting time is not an overnight process. This process requires patience. Being able to accept your spouse with all their greatness and their imperfections takes patience. There is no point in having daily fights over routine habits. We have to give grace and have the patience that will enable our spouses to change.

  • Learn to Share

Most of us have not had significant relationships where we have had to share our feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Things are starting to change, but for most men, this is just how we are. We aren’t told to NOT share our feelings and emotions, but it is hard to do something when we haven’t had a consistent model. Learning to share our feelings, emotions and thoughts bring a deeper level of closeness.

  • Being Strength

In a relationship, there are times where each person will feel low. Being with your spouse can make you strong in these times. Having someone that believes in you, can motivate you, inspire you, will give strength during those low times. This is what relationships and marriages are about. You truly are stronger together than apart.

Discussion Question?

What are relationships about to you?