Tag: Christian

Dealing with Hurt

It’s rare that strangers hurt your feelings. The people that can hurt you the most are those that are closest to us. That usually tends to be family members. What do we do in those situations? How do we handle it?

Frustrated

My Experience

So, there I was reading an email from a family member about a potential business opportunity and I can see that it included all the previous emails. Not really expecting to find anything, I read some information that is personal and doesn’t pertain to this opportunity. 

Reading this, I felt the full range of emotions. Feelings of  anger, that negative things were being revealed about me to sad and disappointed that someone close to me would portray me that way. 

It’s sad to say that most of us have had an experience where we  overheard something we weren’t meant to hear or saw a Facebook post that  revealed personal information. How do we handle these situations? What do we do with those feelings?

 

  1. Separate actions and feelings

 

The Bible talks about us being angry and not sinning. It’s okay to be angry and have the emotions but we have to separate the emotions from driving our actions. 

Think to yourself how many times you’ve gotten back at someone and felt better about yourself or what you did. Revenge, hurting someone because they hurt you, never makes you feel better about yourself. 

Having our emotions drive our actions does more damage to us than we could do to the other person. The mentality, emotions and actions can lead to destructive pattern of behaviors. 

 

  1. Evaluate the relationship

 

I’m not an advocate for cutting everyone out of your life for any reason. There are times, however, when you may need to dissolve a relationship for your betterment. In other cases, if we let our emotions drive us we can be too quick to cut people out of our lives. 

To know the difference, we have to do step 1. We have to separate the emotions of the event that happened, with our actions. Evaluate the relationship outside of your emotions. Is this person adding value to your life? Could there be a possibility that the relationship could be salvaged? 

 

  1. When they go low, we go high

 

Former First Lady Michelle Obama made this phrase famous in a speech. It very much can apply to when we are hurt by those closest to us. Sometimes it is  better to leave the situation completely. Take the high road and just move on with your life. 

 

Discussion Question:

How do handle when people hurt you?

The Value of a Support Group

Be strong, be fearless, be beautiful. And believe that anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you. - Misty Copeland Click To Tweet

I am the oldest of five in my family. On my mother’s side of the family, I have five sets of aunts and uncles, who each have at least five kids. We’re all older now and have our own families and kids. As you know I have pretty decent size immediate family and a bigger and growing extended family.

Father and Kids
Loving Father

My immediate family is very close and we’ve all stayed close as we have grown up. At the time I didn’t know that every family wasn’t close. Going to college, making new friends, and working in the social work field, I came to know how fortunate I was to have this growing up. The support that I have received from my family over the years has been priceless.

Not everyone has that family support, but now that I have a family of my own I want to provide this type of support for my spouse, children. This family support is so important. Here are three ways that family support is valuable:

 

  1. Support is not always family

 

I mentioned it above, but it bears repeating. I had and continue to have a strong support system from my family. What I came to realize is that not everyone has their family as a support system.

When family isn’t an option you have to have the support system that is made up of friends. We sometimes think that our support system has to automatically be our family. That’s not a guarantee. Look at all of your family and friends and take an inventory on who is adding value to your life. Those that are adding the most value will be the ones who make up your support system.

 

  1. Support helps you cope

 

Life can be stressful. There are so many aspects, situations, and parts of life that can be stressful for us. It feels like the weight of the world can be on your shoulders. As close as we can think that Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, makes us, it also isolates us. We may be on social media, but we tend to have more feelings of isolation than genuine connections.

This is where our support system is crucial. They are the people that will talk with us on the phone, counsel us, calm us, and help us to see the ray of sunshine when everything looks cloudy and dark.

 

  1. Support is Personal

 

When you don’t have a support group it can be hard to begin to develop one. Developing a support group requires time and effort. Both of which you have to carry the load of until the relationship is established. Establishing those relationships requires personable interactions. Commenting on posts is great, but for a lasting relationship and a support system to be established requires that you may have to go through hard times together.

Hard times and good times are what make the foundation of a support system. People that will celebrate with you when things are good, but will also be there when you need picking up are priceless.

 

Discussion Question:

How have you developed your support system?

Anatomy of a Date

There you are sitting across from your spouse in the restaurant that you always go to. Eating the same meal that you always order. Talking about the kids, and work. Then you go sit in a movie that is probably the highlight of the night. This is too often a night out for most couples. Have you wanted to change up the routine, but wasn’t sure what to do, well now we can look at what makes a good date night out.

  1. Location, location, location

 

The location of the date is one of the key aspects of going out with your spouse. Whether it’s a night out with just you and your spouse or a night in the house after the kids go to sleep. Location matters.

 

The location will help with what activities are available.  Instead of the usual restaurant or movie that you would normally go to, try something new. Maybe a food tour or fowling.

 

If you’re going to have a date night at home after the kids have gone to sleep; the same applies. Pick a room in the house that you don’t spend a lot of time in. Or just a room where you can sit and have your date night. Set the scene, light some candles, and leave the TV off for a little bit.

 

  1. Conversation

 

Men, we’re not typically extroverted and apt to talk for hours on end. However, we should be able to talk to our spouse. If you’ve been married for some time it can be hard having something to talk about other than work and family. Not because you don’t want to talk about something else, but so much of our lives revolve around those two aspects.

Don’t worry if you need some topics that will help jump-start the conversation, you can download these conversation starters.

 

  1. Present Yourself

 

If you look good, you feel good. There have been times where you get out of the house and you’re just happy to get out for a minute and get away from everything that is pulling on you. In those cases, you end up going out in whatever you have on at the time.

 

Other times, put some thought into what you want to look like. Treat the date with your spouse like you did when you were actually dating and wanted to impress them. You put your best foot forward and you felt more confident because you wanted the other person to take notice of you. The same should apply in marriage. Put your best foot forward.

 

What truly makes a good night out with your spouse? You do. You’re married, you can be nervous in a good way. Have fun with your dates.

 

Discussion Question:

What do you enjoy most on your date nights?