Tag: Men

Are We Doing Better?

Are we doing better raising our children than our parents did raising us? Can we be a good judge in a that scenario? Outside of the realm of parenthood, are we doing better living our lives than what our parents or grand parents did? So much goes into these types of questions and thought.

I recently tried a new barbershop. That may not sound like a big deal, but for most men and as stereotypical as it may be, most Black men it is. It’s a big deal partly because of the bond that if formed with your barber. Yes we laugh and joke. We talk trash, go over the latest movies, music and things going in our communities. Then there are the times were we talk about life. Our families and friends. We share our dreams and goals. We get advice as well as give it.

So I’m sitting in a new barbershop talking with the young man who has started it and wants his business to be helpful to his family. We begin talking about our upbringing. Some of the struggles that he had, some of the struggles I had. Things he wants to differently with his son, and things that I want to do with my children.

So are we doing better than our parents? I guess it depends on where your perspective comes from. One thing that I’ve learned as my children continue to grow and develop is that there each child is different. How you apply the rules for one child will be completely different from how you apply them for another child.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t rules. I’ve learned that I can’t hold a grudge for what my parents did or did not do. With age comes understanding. I understand that my parents really did the best that they could. Did they have all the answers, no, but they did as I’m doing now, they best they can with what they know.

I’d love to hear what you have learned in your parenting journey? What understanding have you gained?

Thankful for Your Spouse

How Thankful are You for Your Spouse?

Thanksgiving…the holiday that is almost but forgotten by stores across the country. It’s getting shorter every year. At this point we get a week of Thanksgiving and then the Christmas trees and decorations come out.  This attitude can creep into our relationships if we’re not proactive. What type of attitude? The one where we are short on the thankfulness, but focusing on fulfilling our own needs and desires.

I love Thanksgiving, not for the food (although it is good) but for the heart that can come from it. Taking time to reflect and be thankful for the past year, shows me how blessed and how much I cherish my spouse.

In the spirit of being thankful, here are couple of ways that you can show your thankfulness to your spouse.

Cook them their favorite dish.

Thanksgiving is a time where there will be family and friends around. Have a date before your house is filled with people. If you have kids, put them to bed and cook your spouse their favorite dish or dessert. Take a moment to share with your spouse on why you are thankful for them. What have they done in the past year that spoke to your heart? Talk about how you have seen them grow past something they struggled with. The whole idea behind this date is to put the focus on your spouse and how thankful you are for them.

Take a drive in the country.

Many cities and towns have a color tour. Now that it is fall and the leaves are changing and starting to fall, there are routes that you can get from the city’s website. The routes are designed to show you the most of nature and the changing of the leaves. So take some time, map out a route and hit the road with your loved one. Put on your favorite songs and enjoy the scenery.

There are plenty of ways that you can show your spouse that you’re thankful for them. This is a chance for you to be creative and use your spouse’s love language as a way to show or tell them how thankful you are for them.

[ctt template=”5″ link=”Z6t97″ via=”no” ]This year show your spouse how thankful you are for them[/ctt]

Other Options

If they are big into Facebook/Instagram/Twitter, post a video or write a post that sings their praises. You can post the ten reasons that you’re thankful for them. Have a spouse that is a words of affirmation person? Then you can write a poem (created by you or Google one), in a card or frame it if you want to take it up a notch.

The possibilities are endless of ways that you can show your thankfulness. Let’s just make sure that we do show it, and not just move past this time and into the Christmas season.

How do you express your thankfulness during this time of year? How can I help? Leave a comment below.

3 Ways I Protect my Marriage from Facebook

Pictures can be frustrating

Facebook can be a great platform. It can help families and friends that are separated by long distances. It can also help us in finding a community of people who think and act the way we do. Good or bad, you can always find someone on Facebook that will agree with you.

There is however a story that we’ve all heard about Facebook. It goes a little something like this: A husband and wife each have their own accounts. They get into an argument or they just drift apart. Someone from the past reached out to them on Facebook. An old girlfriend/boyfriend just wants to say, “Hi!” As the marriage troubles continue, they start to think about and increase the interactions with the old flame. The grass starts to look greener on the other side of the fence. Why put up with the arguing, and a cold house when there is someone telling them how great of a man they are or how beautiful a woman they are. The marriage falls apart and before anyone can figure out what happened, the couple is divorced and the one spouse has moved on to the old flame.

How do we protect ourselves from this? Can we protect ourselves? I absolutely think that we can and we should! Here’s how I’ve protected myself.

1. My wife has my login and password to Facebook.

It may sound like old-timer thinking, but I make sure my wife has my login information. If there is something that I feel I need to hide on Facebook then I more than likely shouldn’t be doing it. I’ve seen too many times where things come back to destroy marriages and families.

2. I don’t scroll through old pictures.

Pictures are the worst. This can be hard, but they are snapshots of the “good times.” Looking through old girl/boyfriend pictures, brings up old memories. We never seem to remember things as they were. There are moments when we romanticize the good things forgetting that we broke up with that person for a reason.

[ctt template=”3″ link=”S6852″ via=”no” ]We never seem to remember things as they were. That person is an ex for a reason…[/ctt]

3. Focus on my marriage.

A lot of times when couples are having a rough time in their marriages they will look for an outlet. Facebook is a horrible outlet. Mostly because the amount of sound advice that you get is outnumbered by the voices that are going to egg you on. Then spouses find themselves pouring their hearts into an old flame. That only leads to establishing connections on a mental and emotional level with someone other than their spouse. When times are tough, we have to work and push through them to keep our marriages intact.

I hope that this helps. What things have you learned and how have you seen Facebook help or hinder marriages?