Tag: parenting

Foundations for Your Family

Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. Michael J. Fox

What is the foundation of a family? Have you thought about it? What about the foundation of your own family? The course of afamily is set by the man and woman over that family. We all like to say that family is the most important thing, but do we treat our family with the value that we say?

Father and son

When my wife and I were dating and through our engagement we talked about how we wanted to wanted to raise our family. We talked about traditions that we wanted to set. Also we discussed the things that we didn’t want to include as a part of our family.

Your family is like a house, it needs a strong foundation Click To Tweet

This was like us building a house from the ground up. Our marriage is the house and the things that we discussed are our blueprints for our house. I know that everyone may not have the opportunity to do this when they start their family, and that’s okay. Life goes through stages and through each stage we have to make sure that our foundation is set. Here are threeways, no matter what stage of life you’re in, to set the proper foundation.

  1. Assess what’s important

It should go without saying, but it’s too easy to drift through the stages of life. Think about it: what was important to you in your twenties is not necessarily what was important in your thirties, forties or fifties. Let’s switch it up; what was important when you were single, may not be as important after starting a family. And all those factors  change when your kids grow up and leave the house. If you want a good foundation for the stage that you’re in, then asses what’s important at your current stage. 

  1. A consistent prayer life

The foundation of every family should be a consistent prayer life. Not all of us are raised in church, even if we are: there comes a time where we have to take our relationship with God seriously.

That being said, a consistent prayer life will carry you through every phase of life. It’s essential for the stability that we need. I wrote more about our prayer lives here. 

  1. Values

Along with a consistent prayer life, our families should have a set of values that we live by. If you asked most people, they would tell you that they have a set of values that they live by, but if you press them to give examples they would tell you things that sound good. Not what they actually live by. For example, if you want to treat everyone as equals, then you have to model that to your family. It has to be established that everyone is treated fairly, even when it doesn’t benefit you. Values  aren’t assumed, but taught by example.

 

Discussion Question:

What phase of life are you in? What’s your foundation for this phase?

 

Leave your answer in the comments below.

 

Sow Good Seeds

Galatians 6:7 ESV Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

 

There are opportunities all around us to sow seeds. Sowing seeds can be compared to doing good deeds, actions and thoughts and expecting a return of good to come into our lives. When it comes back into that is our harvest. If our life, our jobs and even our marriages aren’t what we want them to be then we can sow seeds. More importantly we need to sow seeds that are different than what we’ve done in the past. If we think that things are good and going well. Farmers don’t stop planting seeds because they had a good harvest season. No, they plant again for the next season.

What are you planting?

 

My Experience

I used to have this friend when I was in middle school. Our school used to have a little like cafe or concession stand type of thing that would open up before and after school. My friend would always ask for money or ask for me to buy them something to eat. After awhile I started to question what type of friendship this really was. If they only time we would really hang out is when I was going to the concession stand and you wanted something, then I don’t think that qualifies as a friendship. Obviously this friend didn’t last through the school year.

You may have someone like this in your life right now. Maybe not at a middle school level, but there might be someone in your life who always wants to dump their problems on you. Or they always need to vent to you. It could be the person who seems to always steer the conversation towards themselves. These types of relationships don’t last because seeds are not being planted in order to make it a long lasting relationship.

Plant Good Seeds

How do plant good seeds? It is true that you reap what you sow? I believe that it is true. So what are we planting?

 

  1. We should be in a state where we are checking to see what we are planting. Think of every relationship as a field. What you plant in the ground will come up at harvest time. This is especially true in your marriage. Men, if we’re planting bitterness or anger seeds into our spouse, that attitude she has or the coldness that comes from her is a result of the seeds we plant.
  2. Change your thinking and you can change your life. If you have trouble seeing your spouse in a certain way, maybe they’re not the tidiest person or sometimes they forget to follow through about things you’ve discussed with them. If you can change they way that you think about them, you’ll be able to engage in conversation with them without being upset. See them through the lens of what you are thankful for or what you enjoy about them and it makes it easier to plant positive seeds rather than negative seeds.

 

Discussion Question:

How do you plant seeds into your spouse/relationships around you?

 

You Are a Role Model

“Parents are the ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement and action has an effect. No other person or outside force has a greater influence on a child than the parent.” Bob Keeshan

Being a role model is not an easy thing. I want to the superhero to my children. It’s a true statement when you hear that you’re kids grow up fast. While I may want to be the superhero to them, I also have to balance that with being a real role model. We don’t want to try to be the perfect superhero and forget that we’re the real life example in front of our kids.

Be a Role Model

Before my wife and I had children we talked about different things that we wanted to do with them. How we wanted to be an example to them. One of the things that we wanted to do was to go on dates with them. My wife with our son and my daughter with me. While they’re too young now, we look forward to this upcoming time.

Every parent should go on dates with their children. There are benefits that we forget or that we neglect. Father’s should take their daughters out. Mother’s taking out their sons. Here are some of the benefits that I see from doing this.

 

  1. Set the example for how they treat others. Especially for how men or young men treat young women. I refuse to wait until my son is a teenager to then start to show him how to treat a young woman. By showing him how to treat his mother I have to believe that will carry over. When his mother and him go out that will reinforce what I’ve already started in him. He may only be 4 years old now, but I’ve been showing him to open the car door for his mother since he was 2.  Now he rushes to do it before I do]

 

  1. Set the example for [healthy/appropriate interaction. Today’s dating culture has a Netflix and chill mindset. We should be taking opportunities to show our sons and daughters what a real date is like. Going out to do something  fun. We teach them how to go out and have an experience that is more than dinner and movie. They will also do and expect what they see us do. SO, if all they see us do is go out to dinner and movie, then they will expect the same level.

 

  1. Teach them how to have communicate. The more we involve ourselves with social media and the trend that we’re seeing where everything is moving online, there is a lost art of being able to have a conversation with someone. Going out and spending time with your children gives you that opportunity to do just that. We as parents can give them the confidence and skills to hold a conversation.

 

Discussion Question

If your children are already adults, you can do with this your grandchildren. What are things that you want to do with your sons/daughters that will set a standard for them?