Tag: spouse support

It’s About Our Heart, Words & Thoughts

If we understood the power of our thoughts, we would guard them more closely. If we understood the awesome power of our words, we would prefer silence to almost anything – Anonymous

We’ve all heard the references when someone is getting married. “The ol’ ball and chain or your old man/lady not letting you out to play with your friends.” It’s not that these types of comments that are so bad. They have become a part of our culture. What bothers me, are the responses that we so many times play along with these jokes.

In my own marriage I don’t ever refer my spouse as the “ol’ ball and chain.” That just seems to lessen what my wife means to me. I know, you may be thinking that I’m taking things too seriously and that these are just jokes. They don’t mean any harm. I’m sure they’re not intended with any malice or anything like that. For me however, I just value my wife that much.

You Tell More than You Know

How do we see our spouses? If you ever want to know what a person thinks about their marriage or their spouse, just listen. Most people talk more than they think they do. I’m a firm believer that if you listen long enough you can tell how a person really feels by what comes out of their mouth. What they say is key.

What you say about your spouse when they aren't around is just as important as when they are around Click To Tweet

So, what are we saying about our spouses? If what we say with our mouth is a tell tale of what is in our heart, then what is in our hearts about our spouses?

What’s In Your Heart

Change what’s in your heart and you will change the way you think. We can change what’s in our hearts, then we can change the way we think. Change the way you think and you will change what comes out of your mouth. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks That is the full circle of change. It’s a fluid circle that makes up all of who we are. All the stops are important in the circle and must be utilized.

What Do You Think

What are you thinking? We are in control of our thoughts. Think about times where you have been really upset or angry. You didn’t just wake up one day and be mad at the world. It started with one thing that didn’t go your way and then you began to think about that over and over. Before you realize it you’ve spent the entire morning getting angrier and angrier. You want to change that pattern, think on something else. The same is true for our spouses. Moments where I’m upset or irritated with my spouse, I think on things that I love about her. When compared to that, the thing I was upset about doesn’t seem relevant anymore .

If we think of our spouse as a barrier then that’s all we’ll think about them. If we think of them as our biggest asset, then that’s what they’ll be.

What Are You Saying

What we say about our spouse when they are not in our presence says more about us than them. If we want to change what we are saying, then actually change what we say. Don’t engage in the same conversations that degrade and mock our spouse. If the  guys are talking about the things that they’re wives do that upset them, talk about how grateful you are for your wife.

What is in your heart? Is there love for your spouse in your heart? Love always thinks the best. Love is patient and love is kind. True love is from the heart and not just from our minds. Changing what we say and what we think about our spouse will change what is in our hearts. Once it’s in our hearts it’s cemented in us.

 

Conversations, Conversations

“Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” This is one of the most famous movie lines from the Rush Hour movies.

Communication is two parts; what is being said and how it is being received. What types of conversations are you having? How are they being perceived? We have to be considerate of both of parts, especially when it comes to the conversations we have with our spouses.

When You Walk into a Room

Have you ever walked into a room where a couple was just arguing? It’s like you can feel the tension in the room. You have just walked into the most awkward and uncomfortable room in the entire house. You will almost make up something, anything else to do in order to get out of that room. Have you been the person having the conversation?

The types of conversations that we have are just as important as the conversations themselves. With our spouses there shouldn’t be any barriers or walls between us and them. Yes, we can talk to just about anyone, but there is a difference between talking to someone and having a conversation.

Talking vs Conversations

Talking to someone happens during the course the day. That it a natural part of who we are. We can talk about the weather, sports, the latest sale or great deal we got. A conversation shows that we are invested. Conversations are where we are truly giving of ourselves. Those are the deep conversations that we have with just a small group of people.

So what types of conversations are we having?

 

  • Surface. These conversations don’t really have any depth to them. You talk about some of the things that I mentioned earlier. Guys we can be really good at these. Talking about our favorite sports team would fall into this category. My friends and I have recognized that we can surface conversations and not realize it.
  • Basic. These conversations may be the ones that you have with a co-worker. You spend so much time in the same environment that you reveal a little more than a surface conversation. You may talk about your families and children.
  • Intimate. These are the conversations that you have with only those that are close to you. Your spouse and your best friend may be the only people with whom you have these types of conversations. They know your weaknesses, strengths, fears, and dreams.
  • Toxic. We probably have more of these conversations than we would like to admit. Toxic conversations are not a benefit to anyone, they actually are attempts to put up walls between you and the other person.

 

So what type of conversations are you having? The good news is that you control which type of conversation you’re having. You can move through the different categories as you want. Our lives should be full of basic and intimate conversations. These are the ones that will push us to be a better person.

 

Sow Good Seeds

Galatians 6:7 ESV Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

 

There are opportunities all around us to sow seeds. Sowing seeds can be compared to doing good deeds, actions and thoughts and expecting a return of good to come into our lives. When it comes back into that is our harvest. If our life, our jobs and even our marriages aren’t what we want them to be then we can sow seeds. More importantly we need to sow seeds that are different than what we’ve done in the past. If we think that things are good and going well. Farmers don’t stop planting seeds because they had a good harvest season. No, they plant again for the next season.

What are you planting?

 

My Experience

I used to have this friend when I was in middle school. Our school used to have a little like cafe or concession stand type of thing that would open up before and after school. My friend would always ask for money or ask for me to buy them something to eat. After awhile I started to question what type of friendship this really was. If they only time we would really hang out is when I was going to the concession stand and you wanted something, then I don’t think that qualifies as a friendship. Obviously this friend didn’t last through the school year.

You may have someone like this in your life right now. Maybe not at a middle school level, but there might be someone in your life who always wants to dump their problems on you. Or they always need to vent to you. It could be the person who seems to always steer the conversation towards themselves. These types of relationships don’t last because seeds are not being planted in order to make it a long lasting relationship.

Plant Good Seeds

How do plant good seeds? It is true that you reap what you sow? I believe that it is true. So what are we planting?

 

  1. We should be in a state where we are checking to see what we are planting. Think of every relationship as a field. What you plant in the ground will come up at harvest time. This is especially true in your marriage. Men, if we’re planting bitterness or anger seeds into our spouse, that attitude she has or the coldness that comes from her is a result of the seeds we plant.
  2. Change your thinking and you can change your life. If you have trouble seeing your spouse in a certain way, maybe they’re not the tidiest person or sometimes they forget to follow through about things you’ve discussed with them. If you can change they way that you think about them, you’ll be able to engage in conversation with them without being upset. See them through the lens of what you are thankful for or what you enjoy about them and it makes it easier to plant positive seeds rather than negative seeds.

 

Discussion Question:

How do you plant seeds into your spouse/relationships around you?