Category: Relationships

Dealing with Loss

This has been a hard week in the world of sports and entertainment. You’ve probably heard by now about the tragic news of Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, baseball coach John Altobelli, his wife, Keri, and their daughter Alyssa; mother and daughter Sarah and Payton Chester; basketball coach Christina Mauser; and pilot Ara Zobayan. I’m not here to go over Kobe’s career or his life after basketball, but like so many people are thinking about their connections to him, I wanted to offer some words of comfort. 

Moments like this, where we may not have known someone personally, but were able to watch their life as we lived our own. These can be hard times. People will tell you to think of the good memories and that may help some of you. For me, it just made it worse.  So what do we do in these moments? 

How to deal with loss is something that everyone goes through. These are my ideas and thoughts on how to make it through. 

 

Prayer

 

This may seem like a “churchy” answer, but the truth is, when we have times of tragedy are when most people turn to God. That’s when you will see all of the prayer posts on social media. People tend to ask questions during this time. This may be the time most when people talk to God. 

 

For most people, prayer is where they go when they don’t know where else to go. They’re last resort for the unanswerable questions. Prayer for Christians isn’t about  God being our last resort, but it’s about making Him our first choice. So, we don’t just turn to God during times of trouble, but we realized He’s with us every day. 

 

Laughter

 

Difficult times become harder the more you spend your time thinking about them. Our minds begin to race to the unanswerable questions, and we can dwell on the loss or devastation. Laughter is a great way to keep you from dwelling on the hurt, pain, and loss. 

 

This is one thing that being on social media can help you with. Finding a funny video has never been easier. While the pain may be there, finding something to laugh at help break up the moment. 

 

Family

 

It’s sad that sometimes it takes a loss to remind us of the close ones we have around us. But it’s family and friends that can help us to get through the hard times. 

Difficult situations are not the time to be isolated. Having some time alone to process and sort through your feelings is one thing, but spending too much time alone can leave you open to depression setting in. At some point, you want to be around people to have that interaction. 

 

These are just some of my thoughts in regards to the passing of Kobe Bryant and all the victims that were in that helicopter.

Welcome to 2020!!!

Welcome to 2020!! Does today feel different than it did yesterday? Will this year be different than every other year before? I don’t know about you, but I want this year to be different, it’s just about navigating a way to get from my current location to my new destination. Maybe, you’re like me and in your heart you want this upcoming year to be different. There is a way that we can have 2020 be the start of something special.

Towards the end of 2019, I did what I usually do at the end of each year. I have a time of reflecting. I usually just spend the time thinking about my goals for the upcoming year and what I want to see for the upcoming year.

While this is good, this time I really began looking deeper at what didn’t work for the previous year. I went looking for the areas that I have not done my best in. The areas that I needed to attack to move in a better direction.

Off To A Fast Start

One of the main areas that I was able to identify was that I am great at starting new things. New workouts, new habits, skills, I’m great at putting them together and mapping out how I want it to look and the overall beginning. I love the start of reading a new book, but never finish. I love starting projects but may not see them through, you get the idea and can probably tell where this is going.

I’ve been the opposite when it comes to seeing things to their completion. The same excitement that I start something with is not the same when it comes to seeing something all the way through.

I don’t know if there is some magic trick, or life hack on how to attack this. What I do know, is that you have to keep trying.

Different Results = Different Methods

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and thinking that the results will be different. I’ve been in this circle without realizing it. It can be hard to see something when you are in the midst of it.

To get something different we have to do different things. Goals and habits won’t change your life if we continue to fall into the same traps.

Fresh Start

The good news is that it’s a new year! Sometimes that’s all it takes for us to turn the page and start something new. Welcome to 2020! What do you want your life to look like?What do you want the next decade to look like? There’s no time like the present to become the change that you want to see.

Discussion Question:

What do you want your New Year to look like?

Don’t make Resolutions in 2020

This is that time of year. You know,when every professional, influencer, and guru is going to try to sell you on why you need their program to make next year better. 

I understand that they all have a product that they believe in and that they want to get into the world. What all these Black Friday sales and End of Year Sales don’t tell you is that their product won’t help you. It won’t make your life different. You are the difference maker in your own life. 

It’s a New Year

The other day I was talking with my wife and realized something about myself. I have paid good, hard earned money on multiple writing courses. All with the promise of helping me become a better writer. What has actually happened, I have yet to finish any course all the way through. Have these courses done what they promised they would? I can’t truly answer that because I haven’t done the work needed. 

This is why we shouldn’t just buy all these products and services. Will they do what they say? Maybe. What it really comes down to is ourself. New Year’s Resolutions are a waste of time. Think of the last time that you made one and it actually made a difference that year. 

 

  1. Don’t make Resolutions, Make Changes

 

Many resolutions don’t stick through February because we make them out to be our wish list. We want to lose weight, we want to make more money, we want to spend more time with friends. All of those are wish list items. 

What we should be focusing on are developing better habits and skills that will benefit us. Resolutions are like wishes because we don’t really attach ourselves to those things. 

 

  1. Habits and Skills are better than Wishes

 

Instead of looking to make a New Years Resolution, this year I am going to focus on myself. For example I’ve been working on eating better, getting in better shape and taking care of my physical body better. So instead of making a resolution to lose weight, or to hit a certain number, I’m going to work on developing discipline to work out consistently. I’ll continue to eat better and developing 

 

  1. The Why is just as important as the What

 

Each year we make resolutions only to see them fall by the wayside by February and by April they are a distant memory. We’ve talked about why we should make changes and not resolutions, and why habits and skills are better than wishes. What lies behind all of those are the why. 

Why are looking to make these changes is just as important as what we are looking to change. Your why is your greatest driving factor. It is what will keep you going when things are tough, and when you want to give up on changing for the better. 

 

Discussion Question:

What motivates the changes you want to see in your life?