Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. – Gary Chapman
I’m a huge fan of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Gaining just a little understanding about these love languages can help you connect with your spouse on a deeper level. A lot of people have at least heard about The 5 Love Languages. But there are some things that people get wrong about The 5 Love Languages.
My wife and I went to a couples event recently. At this event all of the couples took a quiz based off of The 5 Love Languages. After the quiz and some games, we were encouraged to look at our results to see if they were the same as when we took the quiz when we first got married. Each couples results surprised them. It lead to great conversations, and also possible misconceptions about The 5 Love Languages.
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Your Love Language can change
It shouldn’t be expected that you will stay the same as when you first took the test. Yet, sometimes we think that our spouse’s love language will stay the same as when first met them. The longer that you are married, you will encounter many changes. You have to be able to adapt to the changes.
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Your Love Language is the Foundation basis
Understanding your spouse’s love language is a starting point. The pitfall is that once we know our spouse’s love language we can go all in on that. So, if our spouse’s love language is gifts, then we for every birthday, holiday, every date that we go on, any time that we think about it we’ll give them a gift. While that may be great the first year or so, after five, ten, twenty years together, we should be able to expand beyond giving them gifts.
Think of knowing your spouse’s love language as the foundation to a house. This is the foundation to the love that you share in your marriage. Like a normal house, the foundation has to be strong. You also build rooms upon the foundation. You should be able to build on the foundation of a love language.
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Your Love Language is selfless
Knowing your own personal love language should be a part of knowing yourself. Many times marriage issues result from one person projecting something onto the other person. In knowing yourself, you should know what triggers you to make you angry, and know how you receive love. With that being said, knowing your love language is key for your spouse. Don’t have them guessing and trying different things. Know yourself, that way you can share that with your spouse.
Discussion Question:
How has your love language changed over time?
Leave you answer in the comments
