Category: Marriage

Tips for Being Quarantined with Your Spouse

Does it seem like this is the new normal? Hopefully not, keep hope alive that things will go in a different direction than they currently are. Corona-virus seems to be everywhere. Most of us are settling into having to perform most or parts of our job from home. We’re settling into having to do school from home or online for our children. What we didn’t think about was how our marriages would be impacted. 

Is your marriage surviving? How are you and your spouse managing this new atmosphere and being in the same space? The difficulty has been that couples have found themselves confined. People feeling like they are confined will lash out and many people are lashing out at their spouses. There is hope that your marriage will survive, maybe even come out of this time better than how you went into it. Here are some tips to help you and your spouse survive being quarantined together. 

 

  • Set Boundaries

Whether you’re both working from home, or one person is and one person is unemployed or any number of any other combinations you’re going to need boundaries. What you used to do unwind after work is no longer an option. Your spouse keeps interrupting your day to show you funny videos on Youtube, or walking in the background of your Zoom meetings. 

It’s time to sit down and have an honest conversation about boundaries. You don’t want to make each other feel helpless or like a nuisance. Talk about some necessary boundaries that will allow you to complete your work, have some downtime and time together. 

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  • Keep a Schedule

Setting new boundaries will almost automatically lend to creating and keeping a “new” schedule. This will also help keep you off each other’s backs. Making a schedule that divides up the day into sections (like having breakfast together, then time apart for work, then lunch together, and so on and so forth) will help the day-to-day feel more normal, which in turn will decrease depression or anxiety that can cause issues in your relationship. So give yourselves a new schedule that fits your day.

 

  • Special Date Night

Before shelter-in-place, what did you do for a date night or to spend time together just as a couple? Did you have a designated date night with dinner and a movie? Maybe you used to go for a hike together? Did you visit new places throughout your city to explore together? Did you make a special meal together?

 Keep that practice up as best you can while still staying home and practicing social distancing. It’s the “prioritizing time for your relationship” part that’s important, so keep that date night and get creative. Since we’re all now spending too much time in front of our screens, maybe have a no-screen night, making a meal together and then playing a board game or just talking. Or, if you usually went out to the movies for date night, hang some sheets, make a fort, and have a movie night that way. Love music? Watch a virtual concert or performance. There are all kinds of ways to keep the magic alive, even in close quarters.

 

  • Communicate

Want to know the secret to a happy, healthy relationship? Communicate. Want to know the secret to a happy, healthy relationship when you are legally obligated to be all up in each other’s faces for weeks on end? Communicate. Now is when it’s especially important to take the time to talk AND listen to your partner. Be an Active Listener. Set aside time throughout the week to check in with each other and get things off your chest. And that doesn’t just mean sharing how you’re feeling; also discuss real-world concerns like financial matters (especially if you or your spouse have been laid off, furloughed, or had their hours reduced) to make sure you’re on the same page.

 

  • Be Kind

Right now, maintaining a good head-space is difficult. We may forget small things we normally wouldn’t. There may be snapping at each other over tiny things. We may not fully be feeling or acting like our normal selves. When you walk in and see that sink full of dishes or are given a curt answer when you ask a question, take a deep breath and try to let it go. We all need some compassion and understanding right now, so try to cut your partner some slack. And if there are things they’re doing that are truly driving you batty, cool off and then talk about it with them in a productive way (re communicating and setting boundaries).

 

  • Discussion Question:

How are you and your spouse handling being quarantined together?

Love Thyself

Welcome to the Love Month

We are into the second month of this new year. February is officially the month to express your love. After all the New Years’ stuff for sale in stores, you see Valentines’ Day stuff. While everyone will be focusing on expressing love for their spouses, significant others and friends, that is not what I have been thinking about. 

Self-Care is Important

Self-care is a big movement. People want to know how to become more productive, how to grow as a person and plenty of other topics. Self-care is a very true thing. It’s something that we have to be aware of. 

 

Our self-care is comprised of our mentality, emotions, and spirits. We have to care for ourselves in all of these areas. There has been a big push about mental awareness lately. That’s fine and we should push to know more about ourselves and those around. While doing that we need to know more about ourselves and love.

 

Before my wife and I got married, it was recommended that we read The 5 Love Languages book. A lot of people have read it and know about the five languages that are discussed, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation. We learned about each other and more importantly, we learned about ourselves. But, it’s not enough to just know your love language.

 

Learning about the way in which you receive love is a huge step in self-development. 

So while February is a month where we want to show love to those that are around us, we also should not forget about ourselves. Learning the way that you receive love is necessary. You have to continue to grow as a person. 

 

How Do You Receive Love?

How do you receive love? Are you trying to develop yourself? Start this, today. We spend so. much of our time giving to others and investing in them that we often forget that we should pour into ourselves. You have to make sure that your own tank is full before you can give it to others. 

 

Discussion Questions:

How do you take care of yourself?

Dealing with Loss

This has been a hard week in the world of sports and entertainment. You’ve probably heard by now about the tragic news of Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, baseball coach John Altobelli, his wife, Keri, and their daughter Alyssa; mother and daughter Sarah and Payton Chester; basketball coach Christina Mauser; and pilot Ara Zobayan. I’m not here to go over Kobe’s career or his life after basketball, but like so many people are thinking about their connections to him, I wanted to offer some words of comfort. 

Moments like this, where we may not have known someone personally, but were able to watch their life as we lived our own. These can be hard times. People will tell you to think of the good memories and that may help some of you. For me, it just made it worse.  So what do we do in these moments? 

How to deal with loss is something that everyone goes through. These are my ideas and thoughts on how to make it through. 

 

Prayer

 

This may seem like a “churchy” answer, but the truth is, when we have times of tragedy are when most people turn to God. That’s when you will see all of the prayer posts on social media. People tend to ask questions during this time. This may be the time most when people talk to God. 

 

For most people, prayer is where they go when they don’t know where else to go. They’re last resort for the unanswerable questions. Prayer for Christians isn’t about  God being our last resort, but it’s about making Him our first choice. So, we don’t just turn to God during times of trouble, but we realized He’s with us every day. 

 

Laughter

 

Difficult times become harder the more you spend your time thinking about them. Our minds begin to race to the unanswerable questions, and we can dwell on the loss or devastation. Laughter is a great way to keep you from dwelling on the hurt, pain, and loss. 

 

This is one thing that being on social media can help you with. Finding a funny video has never been easier. While the pain may be there, finding something to laugh at help break up the moment. 

 

Family

 

It’s sad that sometimes it takes a loss to remind us of the close ones we have around us. But it’s family and friends that can help us to get through the hard times. 

Difficult situations are not the time to be isolated. Having some time alone to process and sort through your feelings is one thing, but spending too much time alone can leave you open to depression setting in. At some point, you want to be around people to have that interaction. 

 

These are just some of my thoughts in regards to the passing of Kobe Bryant and all the victims that were in that helicopter.