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New Year & New You

It’s a New Year

Welcome to 2018!! Happy New Year!!!

Have you thought about how this year will be different from last year? Will it be different from any other year that you’ve gone through? At the end of each year you start to see people selling all types of “Life Changing” products that are geared towards helping create a new you in the New Year. Can all of these products really work? Are we stuck in the hamster wheel of having the same life year after year?

[ctt template=”8″ link=”S006_” via=”no” ]New Year means it’s time for new habits[/ctt]

The answer is a resounding, “NO!” We don’t have to do the same thing year in and year out, especially if it’s not leading us to the place we want to be. Our lives can be what we make them out to be. I’m a firm believer in that if you think it, it will come to pass.

The Right Tool for The New Year

With so many different tools out there that promise to take us from where we are, to the promised land. How do we know what do use?

I’m going to tell you the truth. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT TOOL YOU USE. The only thing that matters is that you build consistency.

I heard Dave Ramsey say in referring to the debt snowball that, “you eat an elephant, one bite at a time.”

The idea is that you’re not going to go from having a mountain of debt to being debt free overnight. You do it one day at a time, paying off one debt at a time. The important thing is to build the habits that allow you to have consistency everyday.

The same is true in every area of our lives. If we want to have successful marriages and be better parents, then it starts one day at a time. Knowing where we fall short and were we can improve is the first step.

It’s time for a Vision

This year, let’s not set goals. If you’re honest with yourself, most of us have let our goals go by mid-January. What we want to do is develop the habits that will take us from where we are to where we want to go.

The Bible says that without a vision the people perish.

Just think about how much time we’ve wasted because we weren’t sure what to do next or where we really wanted to go in life. A wasted year is a year that has perished.

So this is where we start. We need to get a picture of what we want this year to look like. How would our marriages look? What type of dates do we go on? Where do we take our vacations? How are we spending our quality time together?

Here are three ways that we can get the most out of this year.

  1. Look to change your habits, don’t set goals

Most people fail at achieving their goals because the goals seem detached from their current lifestyle. Let’s look to change our habits,which are the key to life. If we change our habits, we can change our relationships, marriages, and lives for the better.

  1. Have a vision

Take some time and think, allow yourself to dream of what you want your marriage to look like this upcoming year.

  1. Write it down

After writing it down, put it in a place where it will be seen  everyday. The bathroom mirror, the refrigerator or closet where you get dressed in the morning. I’ve even heard of people putting their dreams on a sticky note in their car. Whatever works, just put it in a place where you will see it everyday.

Habakkuk 2:2(ERV)

The Lord answered me, “Write down what I show you. Write it clearly on a sign so that the message will be easy to read.”

 

I truly believe that this year will be a great year for you and your marriage. Leave a comment below on what habits you want to develop.

Plan Ahead

5 Year Plan

Where do you see yourself in five years? This question always seems to come up in interviews. If you’re like me you stumble through the question, not really having thought about it. What I really want to say is “I’m just here for the job. Five years? I haven’t thought past dinner tonight!”  If I were to ask you where you see your marriage in 5 years what’s your response? If you answered, “We’ll be married!” , then even though that’s a great answer it communicates that this is an area that hasn’t been given much thought.   It’s time to stop merely existing as married couples  and start charting a course for your future.

The Forbes article,  “8 Patterns of Successful People” lists the importance of planning ahead.  “Expecting to be successful without a plan or strategy is equivalent to going survival camping on a whim– it might turn into a great adventure, but more likely you’ll get eaten by bears while screaming at Siri for help” (J. Cohen). Marriage can be a fun adventure but just like a road trip in a new town without a GPS you’ll get lost.

Why ask Why?

So why do some couples fail to plan for the future of their marriages? Part of it is because we do not take time to even think of where we’ve been. The divorce rate  in America is 50-55% . So there is a chance that you’re like me and come from a divorced home. When I got married, I wanted something different from what I came from. I once heard that “You never know where your going until you know where you’ve come from.”

Looking Back

This time of year is a great time to reflect on where we’ve come from. What was our household like growing up? What were some of our past relationships like? These are all things that if never addressed have the ability impact all our relationships. We’re not to look at them with sadness or longing for what could’ve been, but  looking at them in a way where we can learn the lessons we need in order to go where we want to go in our future relationships.
Alan Lakein said, “Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now.”  We have to be proactive in our marriages. It’s not good enough to just exist in a marriage, we have to want to be in a marriage that displays the best aspect of our lives.

Plan Ahead

So let’s take inventory of where we’ve been, and look forward to where we are going. We don’t want to repeat our past mistakes, jumping from bad situation to bad situation always wondering why we keep falling for the same traps. What we want to do is see the past for what it was, the past. Good or bad, if properly addressed it can be used to develop a successful marriage with a great future in store.Share what you’ve learned from your past relationships and how it prepared you for the successful relationship that you’re in today.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

spousal supportStep Out of Your Comfort Zone

In relationships, there is a level of comfort that is pleasing. It is almost to be expected. Whether it’s a friendship, spouse or somewhere in between, our relationships have a level of comfort that just seems to work. It’s part of why we get along to begin with.

Every once in awhile, we need to shake the comfort level up and try something new. It’s a good thing to shake it up. I’m not saying do something that goes against your values or is dangerous to your health. Let me give an example:

A Dancing Lesson

My wife loves to dance. Tango, Ballroom, Salsa, she likes them all. She gets into shows like “So You Think You Can Dance” and “Dancing With The Stars”. So when she found a Groupon for dancing lessons at a local dance studio she asked if I would be willing to go if she got the Groupon. I’ll say the typical man or the man that we see on t.v. would give an emphatic NO. A “Men don’t dance” type of answer. I however saw this as an opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and try something new. Turns out, that it was really fun. I may not be competing on any dancing reality shows anytime soon, but it turned out to be a great experience with my wife.

[ctt template=”3″ link=”adSeI” via=”no” ]My spouse is worth stepping out of my comfort zone for[/ctt]

The point is that in things that we are not accustomed to doing or in my case, something that I never really gave much thought to, turned out to be an awesome date with my wife. I can say that they all haven’t been great times together. Even in the bad experiences, they were things that we did together. We can laugh about the bad experiences now, and look forward to the next time that we get to do the things that we enjoyed.

So how can we step out of our comfort zone?

1. Ask.

Ask your spouse what is something that they have always wanted to do? If they can’t think of anything, this is chance for both of you to try something new. Hint: Groupon and Living Social are great websites for this.

2. Plan.

This year is coming to an end very soon. It’s not too early to start to thinking about next year. Start to plan at least one trip that would be to a city that you’ve never been to before. You can read about my trip to the Mall of America.

3. Enjoy.

Remember this is supposed to be fun. Enjoy the new experiences. Will they all be great, fantastic memories that you’ll have? No, probably not, but what they will be are shared experiences that can bring you closer to each other.. Enjoy the experience.

This weekend aim to do something new. Share in the comments what you are planning for this weekend.