Do As I Say and Not As I Do

Do What I Say and Not What I Do

“Do what I say and not what I do.” Most of us have heard our parents say this at one time or another. Now that I am a parent I see the fallacy in this thought process and I desire to do better. I want my children, especially my son, to do as I say and as I do.

In the above statement there is a level of hypocrisy, and while as parents we say those things, our children pick up on the hypocrisy. Most times they pick it up earlier than we give them credit for. We have to be better than the parental cliches.

One Sunday morning while getting ready for church, my son wanted to pick out his own clothes. It wasn’t anything new that he wanted to pick out his clothes, but he was telling me what he wanted to wear. He wanted to wear slacks, dress shoes, dress shirt, and a tie. His reasoning; because that’s what daddy wears, “I want to dress like daddy.” He went around that whole morning showing and telling everyone at church that he was “dressed like daddy.”

How can we live the right example before our children instead of living a life that communicates“Do what I say and not as I do,” but rather “Do what you see me do and say what you hear me say;”

1. Be aware.

There are times as a parent that we can get busy and go about our day. The problem with this is that when we have children, they are always watching us. In every good and bad habit that we have, our children are watching and will emulate what they see. Before we got married, while I was dating my wife I developed the habit of opening the car door for her. Everywhere we went and no matter how much of a rush we were in, I made sure to open her door. My son picked up on that between 1 and 2 years of age. He saw it so much so that before he could reach the door handle, he had me carry him to mommy’s door so that he could open it and help mommy out the car. Our children are always watching, we can’t forget this.

2. Be consistent.

Being consistent is essential when it comes to disciplining children. Between the ages of 1 and 2 children begin to pick up on which parent they can ask to get what they want. If they don’t get the answer they are looking for the other parent to give their desired “Yes!”. Consistency requires that we as parents are disciplined. We have to be the same every day, when we’re alert and even when we’re tired. When we’re on vacation and when they are in school consistency is the key to parenting.

What other parental cliches have you used? What which ones have you vowed that you wouldn’t use on your own children?

Answering the Ultimate Marriage Question

Answering Marriages Ultimate

Question

Yesterday was my seven-year anniversary. Once you get past the five-year mark, someone will ask you that one question. The one you know is coming, but you still seem to stumble through. We’ve all asked it and if you’re married for any amount of time, you’ll have to answer it. “What does it take to be married for ______ years?” My wife and I were out to dinner for our anniversary and were asked this very question. Here are three great answers to that question.

1. Communication.

There’s something to be said about the difference between talking and communicating. Talking is just speaking for the sake of speaking. Communication has more to do with trying to hear the person’s heart. You want to know where their perspective is coming from. Why they think the way that they do. To know which one you’re operating in do this test. If while your spouse is talking, you are focused on your response before they finish what they are saying, then you are talking and not communicating. Don’t aim to get your point across before fully giving yourself to hear and understand what is being said.

2. Prayer.

Not in the sense in that you pray something like “Lord, get this man/woman away from me.” Prayer in the sense that God will give you understanding about your spouse. God will help you to be a better person and can show you how to support your spouse. We should be praying for our spouse. There’s nothing that will soften your heart more towards someone than to pray for them. In marriage, our feelings are going to get hurt sometimes. Intentionally or not, it’s going to happen. To overcome those feelings of hurt or frustration the response is prayer. It may be hard, but you can do it! Prayer does change things. It changes us.

3. Growth.

Pick up a new hobby or an old one that you let you go by the wayside. Read a book, take dance lessons, music lessons, anything that’s new for the both of you. The point is that new is necessary when it comes to building experiences that develop a covenant relationship. We tend to get in life routines where we do the same thing day in and day out. We go dinner at the same restaurants, go do the same things repeatedly for date night without any creativity. Our marriages become stale and that happens because we become stale in our approach to pursuing a deeper relationship. We don’t grow as a person. Better yet we stop growing and get relaxed and comfortable in every area of our lives.

[ctt template=”5″ link=”bL7n0″ via=”no” ]Men pursue your wife…chase after her[/ctt]

Men, we stop pursuing our wives. It’s hard to remember the last time we got her flowers just because. We go to the local grocery store to get gifts. We stop putting effort into dressing nice or taking care of ourselves.
Ladies, at a certain point the old pajamas come out from the back of the closet. Not the cute and comfortable ones, but the pair that you had before you got married. You can’t remember the last time you did something nice for your man just because or encouraged him to pursue his dreams.

How would you answer the infamous question? Leave a comment below and tell me what you think it takes to be married and how long have you been married.

3 Things Christians Need to Know About Relationships

Sometimes as a Christian I want to hold myself to a higher standard than other people around me. More accurately I like to think that I am holding myself to a higher standard than what I think other people are holding themselves to. Just because I have a different standard does not make their standards less than mine. We’re just different.

Being different is fine. It is like when my wife and I go look at homes in different neighborhoods, yes we are those people who will just drive through random neighborhoods to look at the different homes. (Don’t judge us…you do it too) So when we drive through these neighborhoods, we don’t like to see cookie-cutter homes. Houses that look exactly the same on the outside are boring. We like houses that are different. Different makes it a home. All that to say, that just because someone is different or has different standards does not make them better or worse, they are just different.

As a Christian, we can feel like we’re “right” when it comes to a lot of things. I’m not going to go into detail because we all can come up with a list of things and issues that we are “right” about. Or we know someone whose like this. You’re probably thinking of someone at this moment. So as a Christian how can we be “right” and not have a high and mighty attitude towards others? Here are 3 tips on how to do this.

1. Listen Before Responding

Yes we believe what God says is right. His word is true. How we apply or implicate that into our lives is not always right. This is what the Bible says:

James 1:19(KJV)
19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

While we believe that we’re right. In talking to those around us, we need to do more listening and less with having our rebuttal ready. If you listen long enough people will tell you all you need to know. You’ll learn what’s on their heart and the things that are a struggle for them. Then God will show you how to respond to them in a way that will be a blessing and help them.

2. It’s about the relationship.

Having relationships, whether it’s family, friend, or co-worker can expose you to hurts. Some of the people that can hurt us the most aren’t complete strangers, they are the people closest to us. We want to continue to develop our relationship with God, because God can help us with other relationships. The relationships that God gives aren’t for the purpose of us determining whose “right” all the time. It’s about being there to support one another. Through that support you learn to be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger(wrath).

3. How & When

Sometimes our attitudes carry through to how we say things. While it may be great for us to be “right” it doesn’t edify someone if we talk to them like they are undeserving of God’s grace. There is always the “how” and “when.” We should be asking God for when to have conversations. After a long work day might not be the time to tell your spouse that you believe God told you to tell them that they’re raising the children wrong. Just as important as “when” is “how.” If we will listen, God will tell us “how” to bring up those tough conversations. We just have to listen.By beginning to implement these three things, I believe that our relationships with family, friends, and those we come into contact with on a daily basis will get better. I challenge you to start to be swift to listen and slow to speak this week.