It’s that time of year again. Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner! For many, this is the best time of year. It’s the holiday season. I pray that this year has been a great one for you. The holidays are great when you are single, you can do like I used to. Make the rounds around town and visit all your friends and family, leaving with take out plates at every stop. How do you handle that if you’re married? You share the holidays, here is how you can do it successfully.
When my wife and I first got married, we had to sit down and have this very conversation. How are we going to do Thanksgiving and Christmas? For us, our families were not local either. The majority of my wifes family was in Detroit and the majority of my family was in Chicago. There are more dynamics that developed over time, but we still had to figure out what we were going to do. For us, we decided that we would have Thanksgiving with her family and Christmas with mine. It works for us and this is the first year that we’re going switch it around in six or seven years.
So how do you decide or even have this conversation of how to split the holidays?
Split the Holidays
- You want to be on the same page with your spouse. Map out what you can reasonably do. Most couples split the holidays, but you need find the split that works for your family. You and your spouse want to be on the same page going into this season. Don’t wait until the day before Thanksgiving to decide where you’re going to eat. Will you do an even split of Thanksgiving and Christmas? Or will you spend part of the day at one house and then move to another in the afternoon? Do what works for you. Unvoiced expectations can lead to hurt feelings.
- Be realistic. While you may want to see every relative and family member, depending on travel, location and costs that may not be possible. It’s important to keep the line of communication open with your spouse’s family as well.You don’t want to have your parents expecting to see the you and the grandkids for Thanksgiving and this is the year that you’re not coming until Christmas. Just like you want to be on the same page with your spouse, you want the important family members to be on the same page.
- Hosts the Holidays. Finding it hard to decide on what to do or where to go, then host the holidays and let family come to you. It may seem like a lot of work to host the family party but the trade off is that you don’t have to travel and you get to sleep in your own bed at night. This is something that my wife and I did. For us it made sense with infants in the house and with family spread out in so many locations, our home was a central location for everyone.
Discussion Question
How do you and your spouse share the holidays?
“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” – Michael J. Fox
Cory and I always host Thanksgiving early evening so the kids can spend Thanksgiving lunchtime with their dad and his wife. While we want extended family to be welcomed we don’t want them to feel bad if they go to their spouses family.
Yes this is a difficult and necessary conversation in my experience . It should always be open for discussion as family dynamics change. Good insight ? Happy holidays to you and your family!