Tag: marriage

Love Habits

Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day. Barbara De Angelis

 

This whole month I’ve been writing about habits. It may seem odd, but it all leads us to this very discussion. Everything from how habits are formed and can be changed to establishing why habits are important leads to the goal of having habits that promote love and healthy relationships.

I’ve made mention of this once or twice, but this year I’ve decided to build a habit of doing something special for my wife each month. Something just for her that will communicate my love and appreciation for her. For the month of March, I decided to do five days of handwritten letters.

What’s important here is that I’m working on developing the habit of love. A habit that always has my wife on my mind and is thinking of ways that I can communicate my love for her. That’s what we want, or should desire, to keep our spouse on our minds and in our hearts at all times. Here are a couple of ways that we can develop the habit of love.

  1. Show respect to your partner

You would think that this is a given, but you’d be surprised at how many people do not show their partner respect. Showing respect to your partner is a habit that is worth creating, as it’s a necessary ingredient for creating a happy, healthy and long-lasting connection. When you express respect towards your partner, you are expressing your love, acceptance, and warmth. Respecting your partner is all about valuing them for who they are, including differences. You may have a different outlook on life but this does not mean that you should disrespect your partner and put them down.

Quality time is never wasted time Click To Tweet

  1. Turn the TV off at night and spend time with your spouse

How can you possibly connect with your spouse when the television is always on? There is no connection building when both of you are constantly staring at the television screen in the evenings. Make the decision to turn off the TV in the evenings, and spend quality time together. Occasionally, you can snuggle and watch a movie, but avoid watching television most evenings so that you can develop a  habit that creates connection and love. Snuggle up on the couch and talk with your partner; talk to each other and discuss how you can develop your relationship. You should always have something to talk about, whether it’s planning for the next vacation or your next date night. Focus on developing your relationship, and talk about issues that need to be addressed.

  1. Stay Connected Throughout the Day

We have such busy schedules that connecting with your spouse throughout the day can be the last priority, but if you want to have a happy, long-lasting relationship, reconnecting with your partner throughout the day is crucial. It can be as simple as sending a loving text during your lunch break or giving them a call on the way home. This habit is meant to keep the connection and focus with your partner. Even if you have a hectic schedule, you can still make the time to send a text message or give your spouse a phone call. Be creative. Think of ways that you can reconnect with your spouse throughout the day.

 

Discussion Question:

What are the habits that you are developing or have developed that keep you connected to your spouse?

 

Love Changes

Love changes over time. Accept the fact. We can’t run from it or hide from it. It’s going to change. Are we prepared for the changes is another matter. Can we go with the changes and make sure that we don’t lose the love. That really should be how we view it love. It’s okay if it changes, but we can’t lose it or let it become dormant.

I’ve been married to my wife for almost 9 years now, and even in that time our love has changed. While we were dating, newlyweds and the beginning of our marriage everything was great. We would spend every chance we got talking on the phone or taking walks around town. It might have been typical for two people who were falling in love with each other and building a relationship. For us, it was special and began to lay the foundation for us.

Now, we’re at the point where we have been married for a little bit of time. We have two young children and we’re setting the foundations for our family. Has our love changed from those early days? Absolutely, and it should change as we change throughout our lifetime. As our marriage grows and changes, our love should change with it.

Love should change as you grow as a person Click To Tweet

Love changes over time. Well, it should. It should grow as you grow as a person and it should grow as your relationship grows. There is beauty in the growth and changes that can happen in love. How do you embrace the changes in love?

 

  1. Expect the changes to come

 

Some of the hardest changes in life are when they are unexpected. An unexpected loss of a job, or the unexpected change in a friendship, or an unexpected change in our health are all very hard things to adjust to in life. In terms of love and the love in our marriages, we should expect it to grow. Don’t expect that it will stay the same as when you were dating. Your love should change as you do.

 

  1. Communicate through the changes

 

A lot of couples fail and a lot of marriages fail because of the lack of communication. The longer that you are with someone means that there is a greater need for quality communication. Quality communication is different than just talking to someone. Quality means involving yourself into the conversation. The longer that you are with someone, you have to have more quality conversations because you tend to know more of the details about them. Growing as a person shows us that quality conversations are needed to keep the connections strong.

 

  1. Date Nights are essential

 

There nothing that will lead to the love in your marriage becoming stale or non-existent more than not spending time together. Regular date nights are the cure to that. Date nights will help you communicate and have quality conversations. While each date may not be the over the top, birds singing, stuff of movies, but each date can be an opportunity to strengthen your marriage.

 

Discussion Question

How has your love changed?

 

Love Language

Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. – Gary Chapman

 

I’m a huge fan of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Gaining just a little understanding about these love languages can help you connect with your spouse on a deeper level. A lot of people have at least heard about The 5 Love Languages. But there are some things that people get wrong about The 5 Love Languages.

    My wife and I went to a couples event recently. At this event all of the couples took a quiz based off of The 5 Love Languages. After the quiz and some games, we were encouraged to look at our results to see if they were the same as when we took the quiz when we first got married. Each couples results surprised them. It lead to great conversations, and also possible misconceptions about The 5 Love Languages.

 

  1. Your Love Language can change

 

It shouldn’t be expected that you will stay the same as when you first took the test. Yet, sometimes we think that our spouse’s love language will stay the same as when first met them. The longer that you are married, you will encounter many changes. You have to be able to adapt to the changes.

 

  1. Your Love Language is the Foundation basis

 

    Understanding your spouse’s love language is a starting point. The pitfall is that once we know our spouse’s love language we can go all in on that. So, if our spouse’s love language is gifts, then we for every birthday, holiday, every date that we go on, any time that we think about it we’ll give them a gift. While that may be great the first year or so, after five, ten, twenty years together, we should be able to expand beyond giving them gifts.

    Think of knowing your spouse’s love language as the foundation to a house. This is the foundation to the love that you share in your marriage. Like a normal house, the foundation has to be strong. You also build rooms upon the foundation. You should be able to build on the foundation of a love language.

 

  1. Your Love Language is selfless

   

    Knowing your  own personal love language should be a part of knowing yourself. Many times marriage issues result from one person projecting something onto the other person. In knowing yourself, you should know what triggers you to make you angry, and know how you receive love. With that being said, knowing your love language is key for your spouse. Don’t have them guessing and trying different things. Know yourself, that way you can share that with your spouse.

 

Discussion Question:

How has your love language changed over time?

Leave you answer in the comments