The Example You Set

“Do what I say and not as I do.” Most of us have heard that either when we were or a child or we have said that to our child(ren). The problem with this statement is that children will remember what you say but they will model what you do. 

It's not Do as I say. It's Do as You see Me Do. Click To Tweet

What we teach our children is important. Children watch everything that we do and they see everything. They see us when we argue, they see when we hug, show affection and they notice when we spend too much time on our phones. 

On My Phone Too Much

About a year or so ago, I was spending a lot of time on my phone. I wasn’t really doing anything of importance, just scrolling through social media and checking emails. It got to the point that I was on my phone when I should have been having time with my family. My wife noticed and told me that I need to be present and in the moment. Then a little later my 3yr old would say things like “Daddy put your phone down and watch me.” Both of those instances helped to drive it home, this is the example I’m setting.

How do we know the type of example that we’re setting for our children?

 

1. Listen to what they Say

 

If you ever want to learn what your kids are learning the easiest thing to do is to listen to them. When it comes to our children we can think we know what’s best and how everything should go. But when it comes to the effect that you’re having, the children won’t be able to voice that. You as a parent have to listen to them. You have to find a way to listen to them when they think that you’re not listening. 

One of my favorite things to do is to listen to my children when they are playing in their room. Right now they are relatively young and I learn a lot from hearing them when they are playing with their toys. Another thing I like to do is to listen to them when they are in the back seat of the car. As they talk to each other, I learn to see if the example I’m setting is taking root in them. 

 

2. Watch what they do. 

 

As children grow they start to emulate what they see their parents do. A lot of times people will act surprised when their child use a curse word or says something inappropriate. It shouldn’t surprise them because they learn what they say from what they hear you say. 

A child’s behavior is a direct correlation to what they see their parents do. Their actions come from what they see their parents do. If you question the example you’re setting, you can look at your children’s behavior. Change our behavior and we can change theirs too. 

 

Discussion Question:

What did your children notice that you didn’t think they did?