“Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” This is one of the most famous movie lines from the Rush Hour movies.
Communication is two parts; what is being said and how it is being received. What types of conversations are you having? How are they being perceived? We have to be considerate of both of parts, especially when it comes to the conversations we have with our spouses.
When You Walk into a Room
Have you ever walked into a room where a couple was just arguing? It’s like you can feel the tension in the room. You have just walked into the most awkward and uncomfortable room in the entire house. You will almost make up something, anything else to do in order to get out of that room. Have you been the person having the conversation?
The types of conversations that we have are just as important as the conversations themselves. With our spouses there shouldn’t be any barriers or walls between us and them. Yes, we can talk to just about anyone, but there is a difference between talking to someone and having a conversation.
Talking vs Conversations
Talking to someone happens during the course the day. That it a natural part of who we are. We can talk about the weather, sports, the latest sale or great deal we got. A conversation shows that we are invested. Conversations are where we are truly giving of ourselves. Those are the deep conversations that we have with just a small group of people.
So what types of conversations are we having?
- Surface. These conversations don’t really have any depth to them. You talk about some of the things that I mentioned earlier. Guys we can be really good at these. Talking about our favorite sports team would fall into this category. My friends and I have recognized that we can surface conversations and not realize it.
- Basic. These conversations may be the ones that you have with a co-worker. You spend so much time in the same environment that you reveal a little more than a surface conversation. You may talk about your families and children.
- Intimate. These are the conversations that you have with only those that are close to you. Your spouse and your best friend may be the only people with whom you have these types of conversations. They know your weaknesses, strengths, fears, and dreams.
- Toxic. We probably have more of these conversations than we would like to admit. Toxic conversations are not a benefit to anyone, they actually are attempts to put up walls between you and the other person.
So what type of conversations are you having? The good news is that you control which type of conversation you’re having. You can move through the different categories as you want. Our lives should be full of basic and intimate conversations. These are the ones that will push us to be a better person.
