Tag: Fatherhood

The Example You Set

“Do what I say and not as I do.” Most of us have heard that either when we were or a child or we have said that to our child(ren). The problem with this statement is that children will remember what you say but they will model what you do. 

It's not Do as I say. It's Do as You see Me Do. Click To Tweet

What we teach our children is important. Children watch everything that we do and they see everything. They see us when we argue, they see when we hug, show affection and they notice when we spend too much time on our phones. 

Father and son

On My Phone Too Much

About a year or so ago, I was spending a lot of time on my phone. I wasn’t really doing anything of importance, just scrolling through social media and checking emails. It got to the point that I was on my phone when I should have been having time with my family. My wife noticed and told me that I need to be present and in the moment. Then a little later my 3yr old would say things like “Daddy put your phone down and watch me.” Both of those instances helped to drive it home, this is the example I’m setting.

How do we know the type of example that we’re setting for our children?

 

  1. Listen to what they Say

 

If you ever want to learn what your kids are learning the easiest thing to do is to listen to them. When it comes to our children we can think we know what’s best and how everything should go. But when it comes to the effect that you’re having, the children won’t be able to voice that. You as a parent have to listen to them. You have to find a way to listen to them when they think that you’re not listening. 

One of my favorite things to do is to listen to my children when they are playing in their room. Right now they are relatively young and I learn a lot from hearing them when they are playing with their toys. Another thing I like to do is to listen to them when they are in the back seat of the car. As they talk to each other, I learn to see if the example I’m setting is taking root in them. 

 

  1. Watch what they do. 

 

As children grow they start to emulate what they see their parents do. A lot of times people will act surprised when their child use a curse word or says something inappropriate. It shouldn’t surprise them because they learn what they say from what they hear you say. 

A child’s behavior is a direct correlation to what they see their parents do. Their actions come from what they see their parents do. If you question the example you’re setting, you can look at your children’s behavior. Change our behavior and we can change theirs too. 

 

Discussion Question:

What did your children notice that you didn’t think they did?

 

Family Time is Important

Family time is sacred time and should be protected and respected. Boyd K. Packe Click To Tweet

Have you ever like time was slipping by you. You can remember like it was yesterday , that feeling of being a newlywed. Now, you look around and the kids are growing and you’re in the middle of life. Everything around you seems to have sped up.

 

Karina, 55, teacher, England: My daughter felt forgotten

As a teacher, it was impossible to complete work duties in a regular eight hour work day. As a single parent either my teenage daughter spent lots of time alone at home or she had to spend afternoons at my school watching me work. I was tired and completely overwhelmed. My stress levels were sky high and my daughter became resentful of my career, and she and I were on antidepressants. My daughter felt forgotten and acted out by ditching school. The irony of teaching, was that I spent more time with other people’s children than I did with my own child. – The Guardian

 

Have you found yourself in a similar situation or know someone who is. It is this case and so many others that have forced us to re-evaluate our balance in life. So much of our society, pursue work and career goals that our families suffer. Now we know the effect that it has had on our families. 

Family
Family Time

There must be a balance between work and family. Obtaining that balance is now why family time is important. How do make sure that we keep our family time separate from everything else? Here are three steps to move us toward valuing our family time. 

 

  • Schedule It

 

This is helpful really at the beginning  of this process. When you’ve been working so hard and have so many things on your plate, the best way to make sure that you are having family time is to put it into your schedule. Until you get to a place where you can willingly and completely separate from your work then your schedule is your best friend. 

 

  • Set Boundaries

 

Have you ever found yourself spending time with your family and yourself drifting to your cell phone. Then you’re scrolling for longer than you expected and end up missing out on family time that you set out to enjoy. 

 

To stop from having this scenario play out repeatedly, set up some boundaries. The first one being that there should be no cell phones during family time. After that, you can set the other boundaries as needed. Let your family know what the rules are, that’s an easy way to have accountability. 

 

  • Communicate Value

 

Your family time is important. Things of importance must have a value to you. The second part of that is that value must be communicated. Making the adjustment and re-balancing your life to include more family time, can be an ongoing battle. You won’t get it right each and every time, but what you can do is to let your family know how important and how much you value the time together. 

 

Even in the missteps, if you can talk from your heart, it will communicate the value you intend. 

Discussion Question:

How do you maintain balance in your life?

Foundations for Your Family

Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. Michael J. Fox

What is the foundation of a family? Have you thought about it? What about the foundation of your own family? The course of afamily is set by the man and woman over that family. We all like to say that family is the most important thing, but do we treat our family with the value that we say?

Father and son

When my wife and I were dating and through our engagement we talked about how we wanted to wanted to raise our family. We talked about traditions that we wanted to set. Also we discussed the things that we didn’t want to include as a part of our family.

Your family is like a house, it needs a strong foundation Click To Tweet

This was like us building a house from the ground up. Our marriage is the house and the things that we discussed are our blueprints for our house. I know that everyone may not have the opportunity to do this when they start their family, and that’s okay. Life goes through stages and through each stage we have to make sure that our foundation is set. Here are threeways, no matter what stage of life you’re in, to set the proper foundation.

  1. Assess what’s important

It should go without saying, but it’s too easy to drift through the stages of life. Think about it: what was important to you in your twenties is not necessarily what was important in your thirties, forties or fifties. Let’s switch it up; what was important when you were single, may not be as important after starting a family. And all those factors  change when your kids grow up and leave the house. If you want a good foundation for the stage that you’re in, then asses what’s important at your current stage. 

  1. A consistent prayer life

The foundation of every family should be a consistent prayer life. Not all of us are raised in church, even if we are: there comes a time where we have to take our relationship with God seriously.

That being said, a consistent prayer life will carry you through every phase of life. It’s essential for the stability that we need. I wrote more about our prayer lives here. 

  1. Values

Along with a consistent prayer life, our families should have a set of values that we live by. If you asked most people, they would tell you that they have a set of values that they live by, but if you press them to give examples they would tell you things that sound good. Not what they actually live by. For example, if you want to treat everyone as equals, then you have to model that to your family. It has to be established that everyone is treated fairly, even when it doesn’t benefit you. Values  aren’t assumed, but taught by example.

 

Discussion Question:

What phase of life are you in? What’s your foundation for this phase?

 

Leave your answer in the comments below.