Tag: five love languages

Big Actions vs Small Actions

Types of People

What type of person are you? Are you the one that likes to go all out on birthdays and anniversaries? Or are you the one that likes to do small things over consistently over time. I know that this may seem a like a weird question, but the point that I want to make is that we tend to be more into the first category. A lot of us men tend to only show our wives love on the major days. Her birthday, Valentine’s Day, and our anniversary are the major times each year where we know we’re supposed to get it right. While we think that this is a good thing, in reality it is just scratching the starting point and we should be the second type.

At the beginning of this year my wife and I set a goal that we were going to work even harder at our relationship. It’s not that we were having troubles, we just knew there was room to improve. We recognized that with  two small children and very busy schedules, life can be happening all around us and we want to make sure that we’re moving together. Things are good, but we want them to be better. So we decided to commit to make a love deposit each month.

Love grows over time, not in the number of likes or comments on social media Click To Tweet

Love Deposits

A love deposit is our way of saying that we want to do something for the other person that speaks their love language. If you haven’t I would read The 5 Love Languages, I would highly recommend it. They even have versions for children, singles and so many more.

Having this approach is better than hitting the major days that I talked about earlier. This is what it can do for you.

 

  1. Allows for relationship maintenance

Maintenance is always better than repair. You don’t want to reach the breaking point where everything needs to be fixed. Relationship maintenance is better than having an explosive fight. Doing something every month for your spouse makes this possible.

 

  1. Helps to make sure you don’t forget the Big Ones

If you’re doing something for your spouse every month, it will help you so you don’t forget the Big Days. If we’re doing something every month for our spouse then we’re training our minds to always think about them in a new way. Not in a nagging, or a irritated way, but in a way that is loving.

 

  1. Keeps you connected to your spouse

We’re people and we change over time. Making  small deposits every month, lets your spouse know how important they are to you and helps to keep you connected to what is going on with them as a person. There’s no worse feeling than planning something elaborate for your spouse only to have them respond with a lackluster response.  Sometimes the things we thought would make a huge deposit, don’t even make a dent because we’re not as connected to our spouse as we thought. It is naive of us to think that our spouse will be the same person as when we first started dating. We shouldn’t treat them the same way either.

 

This is “love month.” Don’t wait to show your spouse to care. Do something small that will make a deposit to their heart.

 

Discussion Question:

Has your love language changed over time?

 

It’s About Our Heart, Words & Thoughts

If we understood the power of our thoughts, we would guard them more closely. If we understood the awesome power of our words, we would prefer silence to almost anything – Anonymous

We’ve all heard the references when someone is getting married. “The ol’ ball and chain or your old man/lady not letting you out to play with your friends.” It’s not that these types of comments that are so bad. They have become a part of our culture. What bothers me, are the responses that we so many times play along with these jokes.

In my own marriage I don’t ever refer my spouse as the “ol’ ball and chain.” That just seems to lessen what my wife means to me. I know, you may be thinking that I’m taking things too seriously and that these are just jokes. They don’t mean any harm. I’m sure they’re not intended with any malice or anything like that. For me however, I just value my wife that much.

You Tell More than You Know

How do we see our spouses? If you ever want to know what a person thinks about their marriage or their spouse, just listen. Most people talk more than they think they do. I’m a firm believer that if you listen long enough you can tell how a person really feels by what comes out of their mouth. What they say is key.

What you say about your spouse when they aren't around is just as important as when they are around Click To Tweet

So, what are we saying about our spouses? If what we say with our mouth is a tell tale of what is in our heart, then what is in our hearts about our spouses?

What’s In Your Heart

Change what’s in your heart and you will change the way you think. We can change what’s in our hearts, then we can change the way we think. Change the way you think and you will change what comes out of your mouth. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks That is the full circle of change. It’s a fluid circle that makes up all of who we are. All the stops are important in the circle and must be utilized.

What Do You Think

What are you thinking? We are in control of our thoughts. Think about times where you have been really upset or angry. You didn’t just wake up one day and be mad at the world. It started with one thing that didn’t go your way and then you began to think about that over and over. Before you realize it you’ve spent the entire morning getting angrier and angrier. You want to change that pattern, think on something else. The same is true for our spouses. Moments where I’m upset or irritated with my spouse, I think on things that I love about her. When compared to that, the thing I was upset about doesn’t seem relevant anymore .

If we think of our spouse as a barrier then that’s all we’ll think about them. If we think of them as our biggest asset, then that’s what they’ll be.

What Are You Saying

What we say about our spouse when they are not in our presence says more about us than them. If we want to change what we are saying, then actually change what we say. Don’t engage in the same conversations that degrade and mock our spouse. If the  guys are talking about the things that they’re wives do that upset them, talk about how grateful you are for your wife.

What is in your heart? Is there love for your spouse in your heart? Love always thinks the best. Love is patient and love is kind. True love is from the heart and not just from our minds. Changing what we say and what we think about our spouse will change what is in our hearts. Once it’s in our hearts it’s cemented in us.

 

7 Fall Date Ideas

Fall is Coming

The seasons are about to change. Depending on what part of the country you’re in they may have already started. Here comes Fall!! We won’t speak of the white stuff that comes after…let’s focus on this upcoming season. I wanted to give you some great date ideas that you can begin to think about and plan for this upcoming season.

One the dates that my wife and I went on that I didn’t think I would enjoy to the degree that I did was a dancing lesson. It got me out of my comfort zone a little bit, but it was one of the best times that we’ve had together. Here are seven date ideas that you can do with your spouse:

Date Ideas

  1. Take a cooking class. A new season is a great opportunity to having some bonding time together and nothing bonds people better than food. Have fun, enjoy it and you might even have Thanksgiving special.

 

  1. Have a picnic in the country. The leaves are changing. Pack a meal to go and find some country space or a park bench. The changing leaves provide a great background to a quiet time together.

 

  1. Light that fireplace. Pop some popcorn. Get your favorite beverages, a nice movie and light that fire place. Get close and enjoy the fire.

 

  1. Make home made candied apples. There are so many variations that you can do here. Have fun, try something new.

 

  1. Take a long drive. There’s just something about a long drive that opens the conversation between both of you. Drive through the countryside, see the leaves change. Stop when and where you want to. Just enjoy the drive.

 

  1. Go on a hayride. Tis the season. There may even be a pumpkin patch or corn maze attached. Get a cup of cider and enjoy it all..

 

  1. Go to a Fall Festival. It’s the time of year and there will be plenty to choose from. Enjoy the food, festivities, and various activities.

Just Spend Time Together

No matter what the season, no matter the day, you can continue to date your spouse. Our marriages should be filled with great dates and creating memories. Will every single day be filled with something magical and special? No, that’s not realistic. This isn’t a Disney movie where we all are singing and seemingly don’t have to work, but our marriages can be what we dream them to be. They can be our comfort space. We can look forward to spending time with our spouse. They can truly be our best friend. The way we go from where we are right now to the marriage of our dreams is through dating our spouse.

 

Discussion Question:

What dates are you looking forward to planning this fall?