Family Foundation

A marriage with a strong foundation can stand against any storm that comes along! Click To Tweet

Foundations are important. That might be the understatement of the year, but while they are the most important part, they are also the most overlooked part. When it comes to foundations most people just assume that you’re talking about a home or other type of building. You might have even thought that is what I was referring to, but foundations are not exclusive to buildings. 

A Building Foundation

Looking for a Home

I remember this time when my wife and I were looking to buy our first home. We had looked at a couple of houses and couldn’t find what we were looking for. One house we looked at in particular was beautiful. It checked all the boxes that we would have wanted. When I asked about the price as we walked through, I was shocked. Why would it be so low? This house was a quarter of the price of any other house we had looked at. 

As we walked into the basement I could see why the price was so low. There was a floor to ceiling crack that ran along one of the walls. There was a crack in the foundation. Needless to say that we did not buy that house. It would have cost twice as much money to repair the foundation. 

Just like there are foundations to buildings, we have a foundation to our marriage that is just as important. Click To Tweet

While foundations are mostly associated with buildings we have foundations to our marriages and many other relationships. For the most part we just don’t think about our foundation. Many of us want a successful marriage. We want to have a marriage that is happy, successful and all the things that we want. The only way to get there is having the proper foundation set. Here are the 3 P’s of a solid marriage foundation:

 

  1. Plan

Having a plan isn’t a bad thing in a marriage. It should regularly be discussed and adapted as your life ages. The Bible says that without a vision people will perish. The same can be said of our marriages. A vision is just a written down plan. It can be hard to get anywhere if you don’t know where you’re going. 

 

  1. Prayer

Prayer is the foundation to everything that is important to us. When it comes to our marriage, prayer is a necessity. Marriage is more than just a contract. It’s binding two souls, two minds, it is the intertwining of two lives with God into this one thing called marriage. As much as there are two people involved, God is just as involved and it is through prayer that we involve Him. 

 

  1. Pursuit

Most men pursue their wives while dating and maybe a little at the beginning of marriage. As our marriages go along we tend to stop pursuing and get in a comfortable groove. Fight the comfort and continue to pursue your spouse. 

 

Discussion Question:

What are some of the foundations of your marriage?

The Example You Set

“Do what I say and not as I do.” Most of us have heard that either when we were or a child or we have said that to our child(ren). The problem with this statement is that children will remember what you say but they will model what you do. 

It's not Do as I say. It's Do as You see Me Do. Click To Tweet

What we teach our children is important. Children watch everything that we do and they see everything. They see us when we argue, they see when we hug, show affection and they notice when we spend too much time on our phones. 

Father and son

On My Phone Too Much

About a year or so ago, I was spending a lot of time on my phone. I wasn’t really doing anything of importance, just scrolling through social media and checking emails. It got to the point that I was on my phone when I should have been having time with my family. My wife noticed and told me that I need to be present and in the moment. Then a little later my 3yr old would say things like “Daddy put your phone down and watch me.” Both of those instances helped to drive it home, this is the example I’m setting.

How do we know the type of example that we’re setting for our children?

 

  1. Listen to what they Say

 

If you ever want to learn what your kids are learning the easiest thing to do is to listen to them. When it comes to our children we can think we know what’s best and how everything should go. But when it comes to the effect that you’re having, the children won’t be able to voice that. You as a parent have to listen to them. You have to find a way to listen to them when they think that you’re not listening. 

One of my favorite things to do is to listen to my children when they are playing in their room. Right now they are relatively young and I learn a lot from hearing them when they are playing with their toys. Another thing I like to do is to listen to them when they are in the back seat of the car. As they talk to each other, I learn to see if the example I’m setting is taking root in them. 

 

  1. Watch what they do. 

 

As children grow they start to emulate what they see their parents do. A lot of times people will act surprised when their child use a curse word or says something inappropriate. It shouldn’t surprise them because they learn what they say from what they hear you say. 

A child’s behavior is a direct correlation to what they see their parents do. Their actions come from what they see their parents do. If you question the example you’re setting, you can look at your children’s behavior. Change our behavior and we can change theirs too. 

 

Discussion Question:

What did your children notice that you didn’t think they did?

 

Dealing with Hurt

It’s rare that strangers hurt your feelings. The people that can hurt you the most are those that are closest to us. That usually tends to be family members. What do we do in those situations? How do we handle it?

Frustrated

My Experience

So, there I was reading an email from a family member about a potential business opportunity and I can see that it included all the previous emails. Not really expecting to find anything, I read some information that is personal and doesn’t pertain to this opportunity. 

Reading this, I felt the full range of emotions. Feelings of  anger, that negative things were being revealed about me to sad and disappointed that someone close to me would portray me that way. 

It’s sad to say that most of us have had an experience where we  overheard something we weren’t meant to hear or saw a Facebook post that  revealed personal information. How do we handle these situations? What do we do with those feelings?

 

  1. Separate actions and feelings

 

The Bible talks about us being angry and not sinning. It’s okay to be angry and have the emotions but we have to separate the emotions from driving our actions. 

Think to yourself how many times you’ve gotten back at someone and felt better about yourself or what you did. Revenge, hurting someone because they hurt you, never makes you feel better about yourself. 

Having our emotions drive our actions does more damage to us than we could do to the other person. The mentality, emotions and actions can lead to destructive pattern of behaviors. 

 

  1. Evaluate the relationship

 

I’m not an advocate for cutting everyone out of your life for any reason. There are times, however, when you may need to dissolve a relationship for your betterment. In other cases, if we let our emotions drive us we can be too quick to cut people out of our lives. 

To know the difference, we have to do step 1. We have to separate the emotions of the event that happened, with our actions. Evaluate the relationship outside of your emotions. Is this person adding value to your life? Could there be a possibility that the relationship could be salvaged? 

 

  1. When they go low, we go high

 

Former First Lady Michelle Obama made this phrase famous in a speech. It very much can apply to when we are hurt by those closest to us. Sometimes it is  better to leave the situation completely. Take the high road and just move on with your life. 

 

Discussion Question:

How do handle when people hurt you?