4 Benefits to Dating in Marriage

Dates got you to a place where you wanted to marry each other if you want to stay married then keep dating your spouse – Andy Traub

Do you remember the first date that you and your spouse went on? What about the first time you met? Okay, that might be stretching your memory a little bit. Have you heard the term dating in marriage? Maybe not, but there is a concept here that we need to take more seriously. Our marriages are valuable and we don’t take care of them in the same manner that we take care of other things that we value.

I was recently with a group of other couples, It was our church’s marriage ministry, Rings and Things, and we all went around and tried to answer the questions that were asked at the beginning. One of the questions was where was your first date with your spouse? I did pretty good and was able to recall our first date. Having everyone trying to remember provided good laughs and an enjoyable evening. This question rolled in my mind and had me thinking of why we should continue to date in marriage.

 

Why should you continue to date throughout your marriage? There are many reasons why you should.

 

  1. Communication.                                                                                                                                                         

It should be obvious that communication is the key to marriage. While we know that it’s clear, sometimes we forget or negate it. We all know what bad communication is, and how it makes us feel. What dating does is put you in situations where communication is safe and fun. We need to have more of those opportunities in our marriage.

 

  1. Novelty.                                                                                                                               

Date nights are great for helping us to create new experiences in our relationships. It’s easy to fall into the mundane ruts of life. These experiences help to create fun memories that you will cherish later on.

 

  1. Spark.

The spark and novelty of date nights contribute to the romantic love aspect of relationships and can make you feel like you’ve just started dating each other all over again. Who doesn’t want to feel those butterflies you felt when you first started dating? Planning consistent dates with your husband or wife will help you fall in love with each other all over again week after week.

 

  1. Commitment.                    

By opening up to each other on dates, spouses build strong bonds that solidify their commitment to each other. This is important for the inevitable hard times that hit us all. When either of you are at your low point, will you have each other to pull you back up? How strong is your emotional bond with each other? If it needs some improvement, then odds are you aren’t dating each other enough.

 

Life and the business of life often get in the way of planning intentional dates with your spouse. When this happens dinner and a movie is usually the default date. Not that dinner and a movie is bad but it can get stale if this is the only thing that we do as a couple. Date nights allow us to break up the repetitive structure.

 

Discussion Question:

Why do you enjoy date nights?

 

 

3 Easy Ways to Make Your Spouse a Priority

When you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses. No lies. And no broken promises – Anonymous

Man, life is busy. There are so many things on our agenda and our to-do list that something is bound to fall through the cracks. How do we make sure that our marriages are not the things that we allow to fall through the crack? So, how do we, in a busy and fast paced world make our spouse a priority? How do we make sure that the person that we value the most doesn’t feel like an afterthought?

spousal support

If people are honest there are times in the marriage where each person may not feel like they are a priority for the other person. This comes from the ups and downs that come with our self-esteem and being married. Marriage can have its ups and downs. The key word that I mentioned before is “feel.” Our feelings can betray us. We can think or perceive an action from our spouse one way and it was intended a completely different way.

There have been times in my marriage where I perceived an action from my wife one way. Because I felt a certain way and perceived those actions a certain way, I then felt like I wasn’t a priority for my spouse. Was there anything that she actually did? Was she trying to make me feel that way? The answer to that question is a resounding NO. It was just my feelings and my emotions. While we can’t always help how someone perceives our actions, we can make sure that we do our part to make sure that our spouse is a priority.

 

  1. Connect with them throughout the day.

If you are trying to establish or reestablish the place that your spouse has in your life, there isn’t a better way to do than to check in with them throughout the day. If your spouse hasn’t always been the priority, you may experience some blowback. Don’t let this deter you. This is a change in your behavior.

Connecting throughout the day should be viewed at paving a new road. You’ve got to bulldoze the path first before you can put down the asphalt and drive on it.

 

  1. Invite your spouse in.

Marriage is one of those things where because you spend so much of our time with another person it can be easy to assume that you know what they will think. We have to take a step back and not assume that we know how our spouse will react or think. Stepping back allows you to include them. Making your spouse a priority means including them, sometimes even in the small decisions.

 

  1. It’s the small things

Big gestures are great and they have their place in your marriage. The small gestures can be just as impactful when it comes to making your spouse a priority. Grabbing their favorite candy bar at the grocery store, or a card that communicates that you are thinking about them. It’s those thoughts and corresponding actions that will communicate to your spouse that you’re making them a priority.

 

Discussion Question:

How do you make your spouse a priority?

 

The Avengers of Marriage

There is only one who is all powerful, and his greatest weapon is love- Stan Lee

I’m naturally a DC fan. Mostly because I’m a huge Batman fan, you can ask anyone in my family. With that being said, I also recognize the Grand Canyon-sized hole between the DC and Marvel movies. The Marvel movies were like my Saturday cartoons coming to life. I have enjoyed every minute of the past 10-11 year run of Marvel movies. I was able to watch Avengers Endgame opening weekend. Don’t worry if you haven’t seen it I’m not going spoil it for you.

Watching the Avengers over these past years has me thinking of their personality types, and how they relate to us in our marriages. For this list, I’m going to stick to the core characters. Which one are you?

Iron Man/Tony Stark –

Tony’s story arc (Arc is the progression of the character) has truly been one of growth. He starts out being very selfish and ends up being a mentor to Spiderman and a selfless leader. This is how we tend to be in marriage. We start our marriages being selfish and learn to grow into who we are destined to be. There is always room for growth. We should always be growing in our marriages.

Thor –

Thor started out as being the big gun. He was very cocky in his ascension to the throne in Aasgaard. He expected that everything would be handed to him. It took the loss of just about everyone close to him for him to come to the place at the end where he understands what true leadership is and the value of close relationships. In our marriages we can be like Thor was at the start of his arc. We can come into it swinging a big hammer. Everything has to be our way or the highway. This type of attitude will only lead to a loss. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of our health, the loss of maybe our family before we learn to value those things.

Captain America –

Cap starts out as the American Hero. He does everything by the book. Throughout his arc, he learns right from wrong and to think for himself. He learns to be able to adjust to each situation as it comes up. He sees the gray areas and in those areas, he grows as a person. In marriage, there are very few things that go by any man’s book. Marriage is full of gray areas and we must adjust to each situation as it appears. Our marriages can grow and thrive as we learn to adjust to these spaces.

Hulk/Bruce Banner –

Full disclosure, I did not like the arc of Hulk. There was so much of his story that was overlooked and glossed over. Nevertheless, we can still take a look at him/them. The Hulk/Bruce Banner arc is something we can all learn from. They are two sides of the same coin. Most of the current MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) struggle deals with finding balance within. Marriage can be the same way. We can find ourselves seeming like two versions of the same coin. How do we balance being an individual and being a part of a union? It can feel like there are times where we are fighting to be one

Black Widow/Hawkeye –

I am putting these two together for one reason. Throughout the entire MCU, they have been supporting the other characters above. They have moments in various movies where their roles either increase or decrease, but they’ve always been a supporting character. I don’t like it, but there is something here in regards to marriage. There is a time a place where we should be supporting our spouse. None of us, however, should always find ourselves where that is all we do. It can be difficult especially if one spouse has a dominating personality or is charismatic and others are just drawn to them. There is a time to support and there is a time to be supported.

Discussion Question:

Which Avenger are you in your marriage?