Make Life Better

“If you’re not making someone else’s life better, then you’re wasting your time. Your life will become better by making other lives better.”

Will Smith

Serve one another

Are we Serving?

Most of us had heard the term Servant Leadership. If you haven’t, the basic idea is that good leadership requires that you aim to meet the needs of the people that you want to follow you. So instead of dictating to people, you walk alongside them. What we miss is that this idea should be a part of our whole lives and not just in the workforce. We should all be serving, so I want to tell you a story. This isn’t my story, but I thought it was a good story to share.

During this past year, I’ve had three instances of car trouble: a blowout on a freeway, a bunch of blown fuses and an out-of-gas situation. They all happened while I was driving other people’s cars, which for some reason makes it worse on an emotional level. And on a practical level as well, (what with the fact that I carry things like a jack and extra fuses in my own car, and know enough not to park on a steep incline with less than a gallon of fuel.)

Each time, when these things happened, I was disgusted with the way people didn’t bother to help. I was stuck on the side of the freeway hoping my friend’s roadside service would show, just watching tow trucks cruise past me. The people at the gas stations where I asked for a gas can told me that they couldn’t lend them out “for safety reasons,” but that I could buy a really crappy one-gallon can, with no cap, for $15. It was enough to make me say stuff like “this country is going to hell in a handbasket,” which I actually said.

But you know who came to my rescue all three times? Immigrants. Mexican immigrants. None of them spoke any English.

One of those guys stopped to help me with the blowout even though he had his whole family of four in tow. I was on the side of the road for close to three hours with my friend’s big Jeep. I put signs in the windows, big signs that said, “NEED A JACK,” and offered money. Nothing. Right as I was about to give up and start hitchhiking, a van pulled over, and the guy bounced out.

He sized up the situation and called for his daughter, who spoke English. He conveyed through her that he had a jack but that it was too small for the Jeep, so we would need to brace it. Then he got a saw from the van and cut a section out of a big log on the side of the road. We rolled it over, put his jack on top and we were in business.

I started taking the wheel off, and then, if you can believe it, I broke his tire iron. It was one of those collapsible ones, and I wasn’t careful, and I snapped the head clean off. Darn.

No worries: he ran to the van and handed it to his wife, and she was gone in a flash down the road to buy a new tire iron. She was back in 15 minutes. We finished the job with a little sweat and cussing (the log started to give), and I was a very happy man.

The two of us were filthy and sweaty. His wife produced a large water jug for us to wash our hands in. I tried to put a 20 in the man’s hand, but he wouldn’t take it, so instead, I went up to the van and gave it to his wife as quietly as I could. I thanked them up one side and down the other. I asked the little girl where they lived, thinking maybe I’d send them a gift for being so awesome. She said they lived in Mexico. They were in Oregon so Mommy and Daddy could pick cherries for the next few weeks. Then they were going to pick peaches, then go back home.

After I said my goodbyes and started walking back to the Jeep, the girl called out and asked if I’d had lunch. When I told her no, she ran up and handed me a tamale.

This family, undoubtedly poorer than just about everyone else on that stretch of highway, working on a seasonal basis where time is money, took a couple of hours out of their day to help a strange guy on the side of the road while people in tow trucks were just passing him by.

But we weren’t done yet. I thanked them again and walked back to my car and opened the foil on the tamale (I was starving by this point), and what did I find inside? My $20 bill! I whirled around and ran to the van and the guy rolled down his window. He saw the $20 in my hand and just started shaking his head no. All I could think to say was, “Por favor, por favor, por favor,” with my hands out. The guy just smiled and, with what looked like great concentration, said in English: “Today you, tomorrow me.”

Then he rolled up his window and drove away, with his daughter waving to me from the back. I sat in my car eating the best tamale I’ve ever had, and I just started to cry. It had been a rough year; nothing seemed to break my way. This was so out of left field I just couldn’t handle it.

In the several months since then, I’ve changed a couple of tires, given a few rides to gas stations and once drove 50 miles out of my way to get a girl to an airport. I won’t accept money. But every time I’m able to help, I feel as if I’m putting something in the bank. (This is a story called Today You, Tomorrow Me. Found at https://www.kindspring.org/story/view.php?sid=25237).

 

This month we’re going to talk about serving. Serving our families, our spouses and those that are most important to us. 

 

Discussion Question:

What have you done to serve someone lately?

 

What Relationships Are About

What does it mean to be in a marriage? To truly know that answer we have to look at the basis of what it means to be in a relationship. The relationship is the base for marriage. So let’s start there. What does it mean to be in a relationship?

We walk this path together


My wife is my best friend. I don’t say that lightly or as just something to say. I have a male best friend but my relationship with my wife trumps even that relationship. There are aspects of our relationship that were formed and developed before we ever said: “I Do.” We developed the relationship and that gave something for the marriage to based on.

So what makes a relationship? Here are five aspects that most of us might not have thought about, but they are crucial to our relationships.  

  • Having Faith and Freedom

For a relationship to succeed, we have to faith in it. Faith that it will endure the good and bad times. You need the freedom to be able to speak from your heart. There is a balance that is needed between faith and freedom to build a strong foundation for your relationship.

  • Give Time and Get Time

Women and men relate to each other differently. Connections are established differently. Women tend to want to connect through understanding or through their feelings. Men tend to connect through an activity, for example watching sports or playing sports. Connecting and relating to your spouse means that there needs to be giving and getting time.

  • Be Patient

Taking time and getting time is not an overnight process. This process requires patience. Being able to accept your spouse with all their greatness and their imperfections takes patience. There is no point in having daily fights over routine habits. We have to give grace and have the patience that will enable our spouses to change.

  • Learn to Share

Most of us have not had significant relationships where we have had to share our feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Things are starting to change, but for most men, this is just how we are. We aren’t told to NOT share our feelings and emotions, but it is hard to do something when we haven’t had a consistent model. Learning to share our feelings, emotions and thoughts bring a deeper level of closeness.

  • Being Strength

In a relationship, there are times where each person will feel low. Being with your spouse can make you strong in these times. Having someone that believes in you, can motivate you, inspire you, will give strength during those low times. This is what relationships and marriages are about. You truly are stronger together than apart.

Discussion Question?

What are relationships about to you?

What Relationships Teach You

What has your relationship taught you? Has your marriage taught you anything new? Are you still studying your spouse or do you try to cram at the last minute when it’s their birthday or your anniversary?

spousal support

There are times where I find myself always learning a lesson. I’m not saying it in a bad way either. I think that we should be life long learners. More times than not this is just something we say and not something we apply to our lives.

Our relationships are living and breathing. Click To Tweet

Our relationships are living and breathing and we should be learning from them. Here are five lessons that we should be learning.

 

  1. Facts don’t matter as much as feelings. In a relationship, there are two roads of communicating. The road of facts, and the road of feelings. The stereotype is that men are more factual and that may be, but men are also more emotional than we like to think. Either way, when it comes to communication with our spouse, we have to know which road it appropriate. We can’t be so concerned with the facts that we lose the feeling.

 

  1. Withdrawal leads to death. No, I’m not talking about physically dying, but the death of the relationship. There are moments in a relationship where our emotions and feelings can run so high that we make decisions that are not good. When we’re not happy or something doesn’t go our way, one of those decisions that we can make is that we can withdraw from the relationship.

Withdrawal from a relationship will lead to being emotional unavailability. It will cripple the relationship. The affection you have, the shared humor, and joy will also leave. It will kill the intimacy and sexual passion.

The lesson here is that we need personal growth. Our growth helps us to deal with our anger or hurt feelings in a way where we do not withdrawal from the relationship. We have to learn to communicate our feelings rather than just act out.

 

  1. Physical Touch is key. Affection brings us closer together and causes us to stay close. Both you and your partner feel connected to each other when you touch. Not just sexual touch, while that is important. Touching in a non-sexual nature helps improve romance and deepens the romance that you already have. Love thrives the micro-moments of connection and sometimes the best way to create a connection is to reach out and touch your loved one.

 

  1. Complaining to family and friends doesn’t help. It is easy when you are frustrated with your spouse to turn to family and friends. They will automatically take your side and help you feel validated in your frustration. This actually doesn’t help your relationship. It gives power to these people that should be just reserved just for you and your spouse.

 

  1. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. If you want your relationship to work, then you have to be intentional in making it work. If you want the love to stay in and through your relationship you have to be willing to say express to your spouse “I’m going to make you a priority in my life. I will pursue and find new ways to make you as happy as I can.” All of this has to do with the attitude in which you approach your relationship.

 

Discussion Question: What lessons have you learned from your current or previous relationships?