relationships Archives - Page 8 of 22

You Are a Role Model

“Parents are the ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement and action has an effect. No other person or outside force has a greater influence on a child than the parent.” Bob Keeshan

Being a role model is not an easy thing. I want to the superhero to my children. It’s a true statement when you hear that you’re kids grow up fast. While I may want to be the superhero to them, I also have to balance that with being a real role model. We don’t want to try to be the perfect superhero and forget that we’re the real life example in front of our kids.

Before my wife and I had children we talked about different things that we wanted to do with them. How we wanted to be an example to them. One of the things that we wanted to do was to go on dates with them. My wife with our son and my daughter with me. While they’re too young now, we look forward to this upcoming time.

Every parent should go on dates with their children. There are benefits that we forget or that we neglect. Father’s should take their daughters out. Mother’s taking out their sons. Here are some of the benefits that I see from doing this.

Set the example for how they treat others. Especially for how men or young men treat young women. I refuse to wait until my son is a teenager to then start to show him how to treat a young woman. By showing him how to treat his mother I have to believe that will carry over. When his mother and him go out that will reinforce what I’ve already started in him. He may only be 4 years old now, but I’ve been showing him to open the car door for his mother since he was 2. Now he rushes to do it before I do]

Set the example for [healthy/appropriate interaction. Today’s dating culture has a Netflix and chill mindset. We should be taking opportunities to show our sons and daughters what a real date is like. Going out to do something fun. We teach them how to go out and have an experience that is more than dinner and movie. They will also do and expect what they see us do. SO, if all they see us do is go out to dinner and movie, then they will expect the same level.

Teach them how to have communicate. The more we involve ourselves with social media and the trend that we’re seeing where everything is moving online, there is a lost art of being able to have a conversation with someone. Going out and spending time with your children gives you that opportunity to do just that. We as parents can give them the confidence and skills to hold a conversation.

Discussion Question

If your children are already adults, you can do with this your grandchildren. What are things that you want to do with your sons/daughters that will set a standard for them?

Built to Last: 3 ways to strengthen your marriage & have fun doing it

Built to Last

When we get married or even begin to have the idea that we want to get married, we don’t think about getting divorced. This is not one of those ventures where we are supposed to think of it ending before we begin. We want to have a happy ending.

We want a marriage that will stand the test of time. When you think about your marriage, how do you see it? Can you see yourself still married to the same person 20, 30, 40 years from now? Are you happy or just two elderly roommates waiting for someone to come visit you?

From My Heart

My wife and I have been married for 7 years(at the time of this writing). While that may not seem like a long time to everyone, it’s a big deal for me. My parents marriage didn’t make it the long haul. They’re happy now, married to different people, but happy nonetheless. Going through their divorce showed me and reaffirmed in me that I wanted to make sure I was as sure as I could be when I wanted to get married. I wanted to do all that I could to make sure that my marriage would last throughout the years. Here are 3 ways to build a marriage that last.

1. Self Development.

Your marriage will grow as you continue to grow. Where we are now is not the final version of ourselves. Like a new iPhone that comes out each year with minor improvements, our growth will be the same. The version of you 5 years from now maybe “you version 8.0”, but those small improvements add up a big jump from where you are today. So don’t stress over the small improvements, or think that things aren’t changing fast enough. They are. It will be okay. As you grow, your marriage will grow.

2. Create couples rituals.

Do something regularly that bonds you, such as 10 minutes to chat before bed, always having morning coffee together, or saving Saturday for date night.

3. Have a daily check-in.

Marriage experts recommend couples do something that big business has employed for decades to keep workers happy, productive, and in the loop: hold regular team meetings. It’s a good thing that yours will be more fun than listening to Bob from accounting go over the last month’s sales numbers. The idea is to keep communication flowing freely with an agenda.

Start by appreciating something about each other.
Offer up some new information from your day.
Ask your spouse about something that has bothered or puzzled you (or something about yourself).

You don’t have to do all of these things, but if you try one improvement for the next 30 days, you’ll find yourself in a better marriage than you had a month ago.

What do you do to strengthen your marriage?

3 Ways to be Independent and Together

I hope that you enjoyed your 4 of July everyone!! Independence Day is a great day and is celebrated all across the country. Since it is Independence Day, it begs the question of do you need independence from your spouse? Better stated do you need time away from your spouse?

I struggle with this question and even today there are times where I’m on one side and then go to the other side of the issue. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy those few and far between times when I happen to get the house to myself. My wife would probably say the same thing.

On the other side, I really enjoy spending time with my wife. All of the best times in my life she was there. She’s the one person that I just really enjoy spending time with. Doesn’t matter if we’re out or just relaxing at home, I like when she’s around.

There are statistics and opinions on both sides of question. I don’t know if I have an answer for it. What I can say is that you can be in your marriage , love your spouse, want to spend time with them and not lose yourself. I like the way that the Bible puts it and it’s my example that I can do both.

1 Corinthians 12:12 (KJV)

12 For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.

So how do we maintain our personal identity and the identity we have as a couple. Here are a couple of thoughts:

1. Independence is for your and your spouse.

We don’t want to lose ourselves, but for our marriages to be all that they can be then we need to be able to give of ourselves fully.

2. Have hobbies that you do by yourself and that you do with your spouse.

There should be activities that you can enjoy together. Also have the ones that you enjoy by yourself. As you develop your interests you also develop your interest together.

3. Be honest and communicate.

The biggest killer to your relationship can be a lack of communication. Expectations that are not vocalized become hurt feelings and resentment. If we can tell our spouse when we need a little time to ourself or when we just want to clear the schedule and have some time together, our expectation will lead to hurt feelings.

How do you spend time together and time apart?