Tag: relationships

Family Foundation

A marriage with a strong foundation can stand against any storm that comes along! Click To Tweet

Foundations are important. That might be the understatement of the year, but while they are the most important part, they are also the most overlooked part. When it comes to foundations most people just assume that you’re talking about a home or other type of building. You might have even thought that is what I was referring to, but foundations are not exclusive to buildings. 

A Building Foundation

Looking for a Home

I remember this time when my wife and I were looking to buy our first home. We had looked at a couple of houses and couldn’t find what we were looking for. One house we looked at in particular was beautiful. It checked all the boxes that we would have wanted. When I asked about the price as we walked through, I was shocked. Why would it be so low? This house was a quarter of the price of any other house we had looked at. 

As we walked into the basement I could see why the price was so low. There was a floor to ceiling crack that ran along one of the walls. There was a crack in the foundation. Needless to say that we did not buy that house. It would have cost twice as much money to repair the foundation. 

Just like there are foundations to buildings, we have a foundation to our marriage that is just as important. Click To Tweet

While foundations are mostly associated with buildings we have foundations to our marriages and many other relationships. For the most part we just don’t think about our foundation. Many of us want a successful marriage. We want to have a marriage that is happy, successful and all the things that we want. The only way to get there is having the proper foundation set. Here are the 3 P’s of a solid marriage foundation:

 

  1. Plan

Having a plan isn’t a bad thing in a marriage. It should regularly be discussed and adapted as your life ages. The Bible says that without a vision people will perish. The same can be said of our marriages. A vision is just a written down plan. It can be hard to get anywhere if you don’t know where you’re going. 

 

  1. Prayer

Prayer is the foundation to everything that is important to us. When it comes to our marriage, prayer is a necessity. Marriage is more than just a contract. It’s binding two souls, two minds, it is the intertwining of two lives with God into this one thing called marriage. As much as there are two people involved, God is just as involved and it is through prayer that we involve Him. 

 

  1. Pursuit

Most men pursue their wives while dating and maybe a little at the beginning of marriage. As our marriages go along we tend to stop pursuing and get in a comfortable groove. Fight the comfort and continue to pursue your spouse. 

 

Discussion Question:

What are some of the foundations of your marriage?

The Example You Set

“Do what I say and not as I do.” Most of us have heard that either when we were or a child or we have said that to our child(ren). The problem with this statement is that children will remember what you say but they will model what you do. 

It's not Do as I say. It's Do as You see Me Do. Click To Tweet

What we teach our children is important. Children watch everything that we do and they see everything. They see us when we argue, they see when we hug, show affection and they notice when we spend too much time on our phones. 

Father and son

On My Phone Too Much

About a year or so ago, I was spending a lot of time on my phone. I wasn’t really doing anything of importance, just scrolling through social media and checking emails. It got to the point that I was on my phone when I should have been having time with my family. My wife noticed and told me that I need to be present and in the moment. Then a little later my 3yr old would say things like “Daddy put your phone down and watch me.” Both of those instances helped to drive it home, this is the example I’m setting.

How do we know the type of example that we’re setting for our children?

 

  1. Listen to what they Say

 

If you ever want to learn what your kids are learning the easiest thing to do is to listen to them. When it comes to our children we can think we know what’s best and how everything should go. But when it comes to the effect that you’re having, the children won’t be able to voice that. You as a parent have to listen to them. You have to find a way to listen to them when they think that you’re not listening. 

One of my favorite things to do is to listen to my children when they are playing in their room. Right now they are relatively young and I learn a lot from hearing them when they are playing with their toys. Another thing I like to do is to listen to them when they are in the back seat of the car. As they talk to each other, I learn to see if the example I’m setting is taking root in them. 

 

  1. Watch what they do. 

 

As children grow they start to emulate what they see their parents do. A lot of times people will act surprised when their child use a curse word or says something inappropriate. It shouldn’t surprise them because they learn what they say from what they hear you say. 

A child’s behavior is a direct correlation to what they see their parents do. Their actions come from what they see their parents do. If you question the example you’re setting, you can look at your children’s behavior. Change our behavior and we can change theirs too. 

 

Discussion Question:

What did your children notice that you didn’t think they did?

 

3 Easy Ways to Make Your Spouse a Priority

When you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses. No lies. And no broken promises – Anonymous

Man, life is busy. There are so many things on our agenda and our to-do list that something is bound to fall through the cracks. How do we make sure that our marriages are not the things that we allow to fall through the crack? So, how do we, in a busy and fast paced world make our spouse a priority? How do we make sure that the person that we value the most doesn’t feel like an afterthought?

spousal support

If people are honest there are times in the marriage where each person may not feel like they are a priority for the other person. This comes from the ups and downs that come with our self-esteem and being married. Marriage can have its ups and downs. The key word that I mentioned before is “feel.” Our feelings can betray us. We can think or perceive an action from our spouse one way and it was intended a completely different way.

There have been times in my marriage where I perceived an action from my wife one way. Because I felt a certain way and perceived those actions a certain way, I then felt like I wasn’t a priority for my spouse. Was there anything that she actually did? Was she trying to make me feel that way? The answer to that question is a resounding NO. It was just my feelings and my emotions. While we can’t always help how someone perceives our actions, we can make sure that we do our part to make sure that our spouse is a priority.

 

  1. Connect with them throughout the day.

If you are trying to establish or reestablish the place that your spouse has in your life, there isn’t a better way to do than to check in with them throughout the day. If your spouse hasn’t always been the priority, you may experience some blowback. Don’t let this deter you. This is a change in your behavior.

Connecting throughout the day should be viewed at paving a new road. You’ve got to bulldoze the path first before you can put down the asphalt and drive on it.

 

  1. Invite your spouse in.

Marriage is one of those things where because you spend so much of our time with another person it can be easy to assume that you know what they will think. We have to take a step back and not assume that we know how our spouse will react or think. Stepping back allows you to include them. Making your spouse a priority means including them, sometimes even in the small decisions.

 

  1. It’s the small things

Big gestures are great and they have their place in your marriage. The small gestures can be just as impactful when it comes to making your spouse a priority. Grabbing their favorite candy bar at the grocery store, or a card that communicates that you are thinking about them. It’s those thoughts and corresponding actions that will communicate to your spouse that you’re making them a priority.

 

Discussion Question:

How do you make your spouse a priority?